Through Buckner's Legs

Orlando's Missed Opportunity

2009-06-12T14:04:00.001-07:00

It’s a known fact that I despise the Los Angeles Lakers. As a life-long Celtics fan I couldn’t possibly hate them any more than I do. Unfortunately they are inching closer to Boston’s NBA record 17 championship banners.

In other words, it’s probably a good thing I didn’t write this post last night. It would have been a 800 word column laced with expletitives. My brain would have likely exploded.

So what happened? The Magic were up 5 with like 40 seconds left. They lead by 3 with 7 seconds left. How could they have possibly lost?!?!

Ironically, the answer isn’t “Kobe Bryant.”

Orlando lost for obvious reasons. The main concern that killed them throughout the entire game was also a significant factor in the closing moments: free throws. A huge burden was lifted off Nick Anderson’s shoulders last night. Up three with seconds left in regulation, Dwight Howard bricked two foul shots that would have sealed the game. While Anderson may have missed four free throws (instead of two), his failed attempts from the charity stripe occurred in game 1 of the 1995 NBA Finals. Game 1! Sure, Nick Anderson single-handedly lost that game for Orlando, but he can’t be held accountable for blowing the series since it was so early. Conversely, Howard’s two errant free throws took place in game 4, and would have evened the series at 2-2. Superman could have tied the 2009 NBA Finals, and the Magic would be headed into a game 5 in Orlando with plenty of momentum. The Lakers would still be the favorites to win, but at least we’d have a series on our hands!

How many times do you hear an announcer complain when the team playing defense doesn’t foul when they are up 3 with seconds remaining. Reach in, go for the steal, do SOMETHING to prevent the opposing player from attempting a shot. It’s common sense. Yet you rarely see this happen, and it seems to always result in a game-tying three point field goal that totally shifts the momentum towards the team that sent the game into OT. Last night, Derek Fisher was able to convert an uncontested three pointer as time nearly expired. If Fisher was fouled, this whole scenario wouldn’t have happened. I thought Jeff Van Gundy was going to murder Jameer Nelson after that play. If Nelson is found dead in a hotel bathtub missing a kidney or two, I think we know who to blame.

Finally, an extraordinary number of turnovers further doomed the Magic. They turned the ball over 19 times last night. It’s amazing Orlando didn’t lose by more than 6. Of those turnovers, almost half were credited to Dwight Howard, who was frequently stripped when he put the ball on the floor. He was handling the basketball like it was a hand grenade.

With a 3-1 advantage, along with two more games at the Staples Center, it’s only a matter of time before we see Kobe Bryant kissing the Larry O’Brien trophy. I cringe just thinking about it.

2009-06-11T12:25:00.000-07:00

Phillies' Ibanez Rips Blogger for PED Theory

To Whom it May Concern,

The writers of Through Buckner’s Legs do not condone, nor will we ever accuse a professional athlete of taking illegal performance-enhancing drugs. However, we are highly suspicious of Carrot Top.

The Lakers Will Be Victorious in 5

2009-06-05T08:59:00.000-07:00

As promised, I will now discuss why I’m predicting the Lakers will hoist the 2009 NBA Championship banner.

I believe it will only take them five games to fend off the Magic. Los Angeles is not only superior but has more depth than Clevelend and Boston, Orlando’s past two opponents. Ultimately, I don’t foresee a sweep in the 2009 finals. The Magic should be able to defeat the Lakers in one of the two contests in Orlando.

I know I’m not exactly taking any risks with this pick. In fact, the only ESPN expert that believes that Orlando will beat the Lakers is Henry Abbott from TrueHoop. I don’t even know who that is.

Let’s start off with the basics. The team with the best player almost always wins, especially in the NBA Finals. In the past 21 years, the only exceptions have been 2008 (Boston Celtics) and 2004 (Detroit Pistons), where in both instances, Kobe Bryant was the best player on the court. This also occurred in 1989, when Magic Johnson fell victim to Isiah Thomas’s Pistons. Ironically all three scenarios involved the Lakers.

In the 2009 NBA Finals, Kobe Bryant is clearly the top player involved. Not only does he possess more talent than anyone else, but he has the most to prove as well since his legacy is on the line. I’m sure he also still has last year’s demoralizing loss to the Celtics on his mind, which further adds fuel to the fire.

Additionally, the superior coach in the championship series typically leads his squad to victory. The Lakers hold an extraordinary edge in this department. There hasn’t been a larger coaching descrepancy in the NBA finals in recent memory, although the Popovich/Mike Brown series in 2007 ranks very close.

Another factor to be considered is how well Orlando has shot the ball in the past several contests. The Magic converted 62 three-point field goals, a record in a five game series. There’s no possible way they can continue to maintain that pace. Orlando’s recent trend of three-point shooting success can actually be detrimental to their quest to win the 2009 NBA championships. Since the team has been doing so well from long range, they will likely keep taking three-point shots, regardless of whether they are going in or not. I’m anticipating a few blowouts in this series. There will be a couple games where Magic succumb to the pressure of the NBA finals and hit a cold streak, resulting in a considerable loss.

I also believe that this is finally Phil Jackson’s opportunity to get even. For Shaquille O’Neal’s entire tenure with the Lakers, he was consistently fouled due to his awful ability (or lack thereof) to shoot free throws. In the end of games, teams used the “Hack-a-Shaq” technique in an attempt to eliminate a Los Angeles possession. Often times he would miss both shots from the charity stripe and this strategy was validated. Now Jackson is on the other end of the spectrum. Orlando’s Dwight Howard is equally as terrible from the free-throw line. Unlike Cleveland, Jackson’s squad has more depth and size, meaning that they have the ability to foul in crunch time. Jackson is also a competent coach, so he wouldn’t allow a 50% foul shooter to score four baskets in a crucial overtime period like Mike Brown did. Pending there are a few close games, you can surely expect the implementation of “Hack-a-Dwight.”

A successful NBA Finals performance boils down to experience. A majority of the Lakers personnel have held significant roles in the championship series, including the team’s best player (Bryant), coach (Jackson), starting point guard (Fisher), and key role players (Odom, Gasol, Walton, Vujacic, Farmar, Ariza. etc). With the exception of Hedo Turkoglu, this is the first deep playoff run for every member of the Magic. Complicating matters worse is that Orlando does not have home court advantage, so they will need to win at least one game in Los Angeles. Since the Lakers have the edge in both experience and number of home games, it’s going to be very tough for the Magic to squeeze our a victory in this series.

- Scottie

Running Diary: Phillies vs. Padres, 6/2/2009

2009-06-04T12:27:00.001-07:00

Just recently I was formally introduced to Twitter. I decided to use Twitter to write a running diary on the Padres vs. Phillies game last night, which was a glorious experience. 35 posts and a dead iPhone battery later, here we are. I think I nearly destroyed the Twitter server in the process.

My only regret in writing this is that I think I used every Padres one-liner I could have ever possibly thought of. Keeping that in mind, this may have been my first and last live literary piece on the Friars.

Below are my Twitter posts from the game:

7:29PM Scottie Thompson is at the Padres game

7:31PM: I can’t believe Jake Peavy showed up to the game wearing a Phillies jersey!

7:33PM: [After a David Eckstein at-bat] Looks like me and David Eckstein are still tied for homeruns in 2009

7:40PM: Section 133 has a combined 25 teeth… and the world’s first Mexican dwarf with a mullet. I’m not even mad.

7:43PM: Brian Giles is being paid $9 million this year to hit .193 with 2 HR in 200 at-bats. I feel like he owes me money.

7:49PM: [After Jake Peavy was taken out of the game in the 2nd inning] Apparently he’s sick…He came down with a bad case of “giving up 4 runs in the first inning” itis

7:58PM: Ibanez just crushed a homerun over the center field bleachers, 6-0 Phillies

8:04PM: [The Starting pitcher for the Phillies was Julio Bastardo] Am I going out on a limb by saying Bastardo has a deadbeat dad?

8:07PM: 2nd pitching change and we’re only in the 3rd inning. Does anyone know if Nick Swisher is available to pitch the 7th?

8:13PM: Hairston’s .329 batting average is single-handedly keeping the Padres [team] average over the Mendoza Line

8:28PM: [After a Giles groundout to the 2nd baseman] Giles hits a double play ball…unfortunately he forgot that there wasn’t a runner on first

8:30PM: What’s plummeting worse, Giles batting average or his stock?

8:31PM: Considering it usually takes the Padres 8 games to score 7 runs, I think it’s safe to say the game is over.

8:43PM: New [San Diego] pitcher is Luis Perdomo. I’m almost positive Perdomo means “loser” in Spanish. Is this a sign of good things to come?

8:51PM: Happy 13th birthday David Eckstein

8:53PM: They just showed an old clip of Tony Gwynn Sr. robbing a HR at the warning track. In 2009, Gwynn’s arteries are labeled as a “warning track.”

8:57PM: [After an Adrian Gonzalez homerun] Rule #1: No one over 16 should ever bring a glove to a baseball game. Rule #2: Don’t pitch to Adrian Gonzalez.

9:05PM: Ibanez is 37 and he’s all of a sudden peaking now? Hmmm…

9:09PM: Ryan Howard strikes out, yet “Homerun” flashes across the jumbotron. The scorekeeper must have confused this bat with the only other thing [Howard] does.

9:14PM: 10-1 in the 7th. Luckily we still have a chance if Philly brings in Lidge and Gonzo bats 9 more times.

9:21PM: Gonzo is on pace for 66 HR and 126 RBI’s, hilarity ensues

9:24PM: Bases are loaded… So is Tony Gwynn Sr’s dinner plate

9:31PM: [Adrian Gonzalez walks in a run] Philly finally decides to pitch to Gonzo. Considering the bases were loaded, this may not have been the best time to do that.

9:33PM: 4 runs in the 7th, special thanks to Chan Ho Park’s rotting corpse

9:55PM: Next up, the ghost of Cliff Floyd

9:56PM: 9th inning = I’ve run out of jokes

One final note: As anyone who has watched a game at Petco knows, when a player is batting, the jumbotron displays a relevant statistic. For example, during Phillies at-bats I read: “Ryan Howard led the league in Homeruns and RBIs in 2008” and “Chase Utley is one of two players to win the Rookie of the Year and MVP in consecutive seasons (Cal Ripken).”

Here are a couple gems that appeared on the scoreboard when the Padres were at the plate. “David Eckstein hit .261 with 21 doubles in 2006” (I can understand how this would be a big deal, a .261 average in the Padres lineup is basically the same as hitting .400) and “Josh Wilson has played on 5 teams throughout his MLB career.”

Ladies and Gentlemen, your 2009 San Diego Padres!

The Downfall of the 2009 Cavs

2009-06-03T14:00:00.000-07:00

Numerous experts labeled Cleveland as the favorite to win this year’s NBA title. I was so mesmerized by King James that I fell into this mindset as well. LeBron was such a dominating force that a 2009 Cavs championship seemed inevitible. After sweeping both of their first two opponents, this prediction was looking pretty good.

While the Cavs did possess the best overall record in the 2008/09 season, this was essentially the same team that didn’t have enough to beat Boston last year. As a result, Cleveland was defeated in the Eastern Conference Finals to the surprisingly much more superior Orlando Magic.

And the addition of Mo Williams was enough to put them over the top? Seriously?

First off, Cleveland needs a wingman for LeBron. I’m not even going to expand on this because it couldn’t be any more obvious, but it’s a crucial component of a championship team. ESPN’s Chris Broussard wrote a great analysis of this point here. Mo Williams is a shoot-first point guard that isn’t consistent enough, nor talented enough, to be an adequate sidekick for LeBron.

Secondly, the Cavs lack even a reasonable presence in the post, which allowed Dwight Howard to do whatever he wanted. Watching Howard dominate Zydrundas Ilgauskas and Anderson Varejao night after night was painful. Big Z looked like he was walking in cement. On the defensive end, he moves in slow motion and I don’t think he has jumped in years. Offensively, Ilgauskas has a 15-foot jumper that goes in sometimes. One of the main reasons opposing teams are consistently able to triple-team LeBron is due to Big Z’s presense (or lack thereof) in the lane. Since he is so one-dimensional, he isn’t viewed as much of a threat if he gets the ball. This means that defenders can regularly cheat over on James. Could you imagine Pau Gasol on this team? He’d average 40 a game just off kickouts from LeBron!

I love how everyone refers to Varejao as an “energy guy.” His offense is entirely limited to rebounds and putbacks. In addition, he can’t score from more than three feet away and doesn’t have anything close to resembling a post move. During the Orlando series, Reggie Miller said something to the extent of “Anderson Varejao is a ‘flopper,’ that’s his game. Ray Allen’s game is shooting, Varejao’s is unnecessarily flailing onto the court in hopes of a foul being called.” When an ability to ‘flop’ is the best thing you can say about a player, that isn’t a good sign.

Should we even discuss the ghost of Ben Wallace? Claiming that Wallace is on the tail end of his career would be giving him more justice than he deserves. He was once known as a defensive specialist and led the league in rebounds for a few seasons. This year, Big Ben only averaged about three more points and six more rebounds than I did. This wouldn’t be that big of an issue if he wasn’t being paid $14.5 million in 2009. His salary is higher than LeBron’s! This is robbery, Cavalier fans should be outraged. Worse, he’s on the books for the same paycheck next year. Big Ben is rumored to be contemplating retirement, but this would be a horrendous decision from a financial standpoint. By retiring, he’d leave $14.5 million on the table. Cleveland might as well pencil Wallace’s corpse onto the 2010 roster now so they can at least advertise his expiring contract as trade bait.

Ultimately, the Magic were quite frankly a better constructed team. King James averaged a rediculous 38-8-8 in the series but Orlando’s ability to explot matchups in the frontcourt gave them the deciding edge. Howard, Hedo Tukoglu and Rashad Lewis were just too much for Cleveland’s forwards & centers to handle.

The funny thing is that the Cavs could have easily beaten the 2009 Celtics, a scenario which almost took place. Cleveland’s plethera of medoicre big men would have been capable of handling Kendrick Perkins and Big Baby, combine that with KG’s absense and the apparent tired legs of Paul Pierce and Ray Allen, a competitive series would have been very unlikely.

Cavalier fans, I hope everything turns out for the best. Unfortunately Cleveland’s quest for it’s first professional title in ages will need to be postponed at least another year.

- Scottie

JustDave Emerges from Retirement

2009-05-30T13:35:00.000-07:00

Scottie has been pestering me to write an article on the 2009 Padres season for a month now. So for the last few weeks or so, I have been researching how to write the perfect Padres article. The two of us came to the conclusion that the perfect Padres article has to be as follows: strong start, falls apart a little in the second paragraph, strong third paragraph, then the wheels rapidly fall off leading to an ultimately disappointing finish. Let me give that my best shot…

“Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!

And it ain't over now. 'Cause when the goin' gets tough… the tough get goin'! Who's with me? Let's go! What the fuck happened to the Padres I used to know? Where's the spirit? Where's the guts, huh? "Ooh, we're afraid to go with you Dave, we might get in trouble." Well just kiss my ass from now on! Not me! I'm not gonna take this. Molina, he's a dead man! Utley, dead! The entire roster of the LA Doyers – dead.”

First of all, let me apologize for the extended vacation I have taken from writing. In all reality, it has to do with the Padres, and was ultimately my justification for coming out of retirement., as I will cover.

For the first month of the season I was in baseball heaven. Just absolutely and completely stoked. An undermanned and underpaid team of has-beens and never-was’s was putting together an incredibly exciting string of victories over far superior opponents. The swing through the NL East made me think we could actually contend this year.

Then, like clockwork, the bottom fell out. And when it fell out, it fell hard and fast. The Padres quickly lost 19 out of 23 games and had come back to earth, prompting a string of “told you so’s” from the talking heads at the four letter network… not to mention a certain Red Sox fan who also writes here.

The Padres were toast. It was 2008 all over again, and we were on our way back to 100 losses.

Then a funny thing happened. They started winning again.

For Padres fans reading this, you will understand how rare this is. But for you non-fans out there, let me really explain to you how incredibly rare this is. This most recent incarnation of the San Diego Padres is young and does NOT deal well with adversity. In 2007, the Padres were rolling on their way to the playoffs when Milton Bradley stepped on Mike Cameron’s thumb (and broke it), and Bud Black punished him by strangling him in to submission with his own ACL. The team could not rebound and missed the playoffs in the world famous “game 163” (in which I, like all other friar faithful, am still waiting for Matt Holliday to touch home plate…). In 2008 they started semi-promising (they were over .500 15 games in to the season, better than people remember) but then got punched in the mouth with a losing streak and fell apart faster than a house of cards in Hurricane Katrina.

But the Padres of 2009 didn’t collapse. They got punched in the mouth, and they punched back.

They rattled off a 10 game winning streak, including several late-inning come from behind victories. They did it against division and non-division opponents. And best for the fans, they did it at home.

I’m going out on a limb here. I’m going to make a bold prediction. I predict this team finishes above .500. I’m calling 82-80, missing the playoffs by a billion games because I think the Dodgers will win 95+. But it’s a promising foundation to build on for next year. We will have some more money to play with, and will have some young kids coming up that should provide some excitement for the next couple years.

Let’s go Friar, lets see what you got.

-JustDave

Earth to Dwight Howard

2009-05-27T09:14:00.000-07:00

I'm unsure as to what surprised me more, Dwight Howard's impressive performance in overtime of game 4 or the fact that he still hasn't developed a reliable post move that doesn't involve the word 'dunk.' He's been in the league for 5 years now! He can't shoot, he doesn't have a hook shot or a fadeaway, or a finger roll. It's simply amazing. He has the potential to be the most dominating center in the NBA for years to come, yet it doesn't appear like he's even improved that much offensively throughout the course of his career.

I also think that Cleveland wins that game if they had fouled Dwight Howard down the stretch. Howard is a sub 60% free throw shooter and the Cavs allowed him to score 10 points in overtime, only two of them coming from the charity stripe. Why would you not foul him in this situation? He's terrible from the free-throw line. His only offensive go-to move is the dunk, which is an extremely high percentage shot. This baffled me. Coach Scottie would have sent in the goon to play hack-a-Dwight.

WNBA: Expect Boredom

2009-05-27T08:40:00.000-07:00

Is "Expect Great" seriously the current slogan for the WNBA?

The only thing great about the WNBA are the chances that I will never, ever watch a single minute of this awful disgrace of a basketball league.

Somewhere in LA, Tyler is shaking his fist at me.

It's Time to make Free-Throw Shooting Interesting

2009-05-26T12:22:00.000-07:00

Anyone sick of watching foul shooting yet?

Over the weekend, there were 639 fouls and 1187 free throws attempted in three basketball games. I may have embellished these numbers a bit but regardless, there were way too many fouls called. I don't mean to sound like Jeff Van Gundy here, but the officials should let the players play. The refs have been so uptight lately that Zydrundas Illgauskas accidentally dropped his cigarette during halftime of Sunday's game and was whistled for a violation.

If the refs are plan to call fouls on every possession, can't they at least make it entertaining?

Remember how fun "knock out" was? I propose that after a foul, each team chooses an opposing player on the court to shoot a free throw. Just like "knock out," two players will stand at the charity stripe one after the other. I figure that you might as well factor in an opposing player since there will inevitably be a foul called on the next possession anyway. Whoever scores the first basket wins the point.

How great would it be to see Daniel Gibson attempt to shoot a free throw over Marcin Gortat, only to have the ball bounce off the back of Gortat's head? Or even better, Big Z and Gortat sprinting in slow motion for a loose ball after Big Z's errant free throw almost decapitates both of them. This would be high comedy, someone needs to make this happen.

Breaking News: Name Change in Effect

2009-05-25T14:49:00.000-07:00

Some of you likely visited our website today, glanced at the title and thought, "Wait a minute, this isn't right!"

Don't worry folks, while we may have a different name, we still have the same subjective, biased sports writing

"Well Below the Mendoza Line" was unoriginal and was a little too long. It did seem fitting though because we typically write about the Padres, whose cumulative batting average rests "well below the mendoza line." I just felt that "Through Buckner's Legs" is a catchy title for a blog that frequently references the New England sports scene.

To any Red Sox fans I may have offended as a result of the new name, I hope you realize this was not my intention. I'm a die hard Sox supporter, as well as a fan of the other Boston sports teams.

The transition is not done yet - yesterday I purchased the rights to www.throughbucknerslegs.com and soon we will be transferring all of our writing to this web address.

Trading Peavy Would Have Been a Horrible Mistake

2009-05-21T15:42:00.000-07:00

Since Dave isn't going to voice his opinion, Padres Nation, I've decided I'm going to take the initiative.

While I may not be a die-hard Padres supporter, I'm still utterly disgusted with the actions of the team's management today. A mere 40 games into the season, San Diego attempted to trade their ace, Jake Peavy, to the Chicago White Sox. Worse, it's not like the season is over, they are in second place in the division right now!

Fortunately for Padres' fans, Peavy has exercised his no-trade clause and will not become a member of the White Sox. But the lingering question is, why would the Padres have tried to trade Jake in the first place?

Here is their reasoning: The Padres are about $5 million above the $40 million player payroll that the team's majority owner, John Moores, has set for this season.

So let me get this straight. You're interested in trading Jake Peavy, the team's franchise player, in order to save $5 million this year? Just today you swapped Jody Gerut for Brewers OF Tony Gwynn Jr, saving the team about $1.2 million in 2009. You mean to tell me you can't pull off a few more moves like that?

If conserving finances is in fact the primary issue, I will offer another way to save money. Brian Giles is earning $9 million this season. Yes, this is the same Brian Giles that is hitting LEADOFF with a .166 batting average. In 145 at-bats he has just 24 hits, only 2 have been homeruns. Giles couldn't hit a beach ball at this point of his career; why the Padres keep him at the top of the order is beyond me. Regardless, here's what they need to do. Manny Ramirez recently failed a steroids test and was suspended 50 games. The Dodgers don't have to pay his salary during his suspension. Someone needs to hold Giles down and inject him with some HGH. Think about it, this is a flawless plan. The Padres save like $3 million and when Giles comes back, he may actually hit with some power again. And they can keep Jake too.

More importantly, why are the Padres trying to save money in the first place? They have the second lowest payroll in the majors already! The only team that actually spends less than them are the Marlins. Shouldn't they be focusing on spending more money? How can San Diego's owner expect to be competitive in major league baseball if he refuses to dedicate an adequate amount of funding to the team?

A Peavy trade would be a slap in the face to the Padres' fan base. Although the team has a sub-500 record (18-22), San Diego ranks 17th in the MLB in average attendance. To put this into perspective, the Padres attract more fans than Tampa Bay (2008 World Series runner-up), the Toronto Blue Jays (currently 1st in the AL East) and Texas (1st place in the AL West).

What does this mean?

People in San Diego like watching baseball! The weather is always perfect, the park is easily accessible and the city is fairly wealthy as well. If there is a substantial number of fans buying tickets to watch the less-than-mediocre Padres right now, just imagine the potential if they started winning. If management constructed a squad that could realistically be competitive in the National League, the Padres attendance could skyrocket. Attendance numbers could easily reach the top 10 in the majors.

Since the fans are actually showing up, reward them. Keep Jake Peavy. He's the face of the franchise. A former Cy Young winner and one of the top pitchers in the National League. He'd be the best pitcher in the NL if he actually had some consistent run support.

Even better, he loves the city and likes playing in San Diego. Pitchers with his talent are few and far between. Don't make the mistake of trading him away.

- Scottie

5 Reasons Why the Lakers Will Advance to the NBA Finals

2009-05-18T16:28:00.000-07:00

It seems there are a disproportionate amount of analysts that predict the Nuggets will win their upcoming playoffs series. These experts have tossed around numerous reasons why Denver will be victorious: the Lakers' effort has been inconsistent, the Nuggets have been hot lately, Houston nearly beat L.A. without their two best players.

I do not see this happening, at least not this year. Here is why.

1. Kobe Bryant. The 2009 NBA playoffs may be his last great chance to win another championship. Sure, he may be rather young and he's still in the tail end of his prime, but Kobe has already played over 1100 games in his 13-year career. In this time span, he's logged over 40,000 minutes, while also being extremely durable. With all of these miles on his legs, one would think that it would be nearly impossible for him to maintain this consistency for much longer. Kobe Bryant's legacy is on the line. He's going to do everything in his power to ensure that the Lakers don't lose.

2. Denver isn't that good. The Nuggets played New Orleans in the first round, a team that had significant disadvantages in both size and depth. The Hornets were basically only playing with two guys: Chris Paul and David West. No one else showed up. Worse, this team clearly gave up on their coach during the series, which is obvious due to their 60 point shellacking at home. The Nuggets played Dallas in the next round. Another squad that lacked size and depth. Josh Howard appeared to be playing at 50% because of his ankle injury, meaning that the entire scoring load rested on Dirk's shoulders. Starting to see any patterns here? Meanwhile the Lakers were struggling against a very well-constructed Houston team that, due to their toughness and great defense, was able to take L.A. all the way to Game 7. Denver has had a much easier road so far.

3. Los Angeles should be able to control Chauncey Billups. The Lakers have trouble guarding quick point guards. They made a mediocre Aaron Brooks look like Isiah Thomas in his prime, which is a big reason why the Rockets won three games in that series. Rajon Rondo's success in the 2008 NBA Finals is another example. Luckily the 32 year old Chauncey Billups has lost a step and his ability to get to the basket is not an issue anymore. Billups lack of mobility will work in the Lakers' favor.

4. Defense - Who will cover Kobe? Dahntay Jones is supposedly the Nuggets' best perimeter defender. To his credit, he played Chris Paul really well in the first round. One problem this creates is that Jones is an awful offensive player. When his is on the court, Denver's scoring will suffer. Secondly, if Shane Battier and Ron Artest, two of the best current perimeter defenders in the entire NBA, can't keep Kobe under 25 ppg Dahntay Jones surely isn't going to be able to. When the Nuggets realize that Jones can't guard Kobe, J.R. Smith will take over the defensive duties on the 2008 MVP. This will lead to 78 bad shots that will also affect Denver's offense. Smith has never seen a shot he doesn't like, and would shoot the ball from the parking lot if he was open.

5. The Insanity Factor. Will it be possible for the Nuggets to maintain their composure? Kobe loves to throw his elbows around, often leading to cheap shots on the opposing players. When this happens, I'm not so sure Denver will let it go. What about Kobe's constant taunting and the fact that he constantly runs his mouth? There is a high potential for a fight to occur in this series. The Nuggets have been able to contain their emotions throughout the playoffs thus far, but players like Kenyon Martin and Carmelo Anthony have been previously suspended due to altercations on the court. If either Martin or Anthony is ejected or suspended for any game in this series, it will be to the Lakers' advantage. Derek Fisher doesn't get away with that elbow against Denver.

We Want Leftwich

2009-05-17T15:25:00.000-07:00

Here is an excerpt from a May 13th article published by the ESPN.com news staff, titled McCown: Starting Job His to Lose:

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers have a plethora of quarterbacks under contract, but Luke McCown believes he's got the coolest hand of them all.

And despite the presence of recently signed, proven veteran Byron Leftwich, McCown - who signed a new deal himself in February - declared emphatically Tuesday that the starting job is his to lose.

"Absolutely," McCown said, according to the St. Petersburg Times. "This has been a long time coming for me and I'm not letting anybody take it from me. And it's the first legitimate opportunity. Say what you want about getting three starts at the end of a season [two, in 2007].

"But this is my first real opportunity to be the starter, to be the guy. And I look at it as mine and you're going to have to shoot me."

So wait, is he saying that since he is the starting QB, we should shoot him? Or is he implying that the only way he will not be the Bucs QB is if he is shot?

Either way, can someone get on this?

Dallas's Demise

2009-05-15T11:03:00.000-07:00

Last night, I received an email from my good friend Dan Rose, requesting that I write about the tragic defeat his beloved Mavs recently suffered. He referred to Denver as the "Thuggets," which I thought was hilarious.

So why was Dallas completely obliterated in the series?

Well, first off, they were undersized. Any time you are forced to play a 5'5'' shooting guard for 20+ minutes a game, it creates a significant matchup problem... but not in a good way. And while we're on the topic of matchup problems, Erick Dampier's awful defense caused a mediocre Nene to put up ungodly numbers in games 1 and 2 (24.5 points per game on almost 80% shooting). And of course there is Jason Kidd, who couldn't guard a ball rack at this point of his career. With the exception of game 1, Chauncey Billups scored at will on Kidd.

Hypothetical situation: you are the owner of a team that's down 3-1 in a series and looking for any advantage you can get. It's probably not the best idea to start insulting the mother of the most psychotic member on the opposing team. That's not exactly going to give you the psychological edge. In fact, it may actually get you killed. I'm half serious here.

Early in the series, Denver set the tone in terms of toughness. Kenyon Martin shoulder checks Dirk Nowitzki, the Mavericks' franchise player, to the ground. Nowitzki doesn't confront him, approach him or even raise his voice. More importantly, Dirk's teammates don't stick up for him either. Could you imagine if the opposite scenario had occurred, if Martin was knocked to the floor instead? Not only would Dirk have been pummeled, but we probably would have witnessed the reincarnation of the Artest melee. I think this Nuggets team is almost as crazy as that 2004 Pacers team. Anyways, my point is, don't you need toughness to a certain degree? Doesn't it seem like Dallas would easily buckle under the pressure, especially if the Nuggets' players got in their heads? I thought the Mavs looked intimidated in every game.

I think Dallas's biggest issue was depth, specifically that they don't have any. While the Nuggets have a very reliable bench, headlined by J.R. Smith and "The Birdman," Dallas's bench is Jason Terry and a bunch of nobodys. Antoine Wright? James Singleton? Ryan Hollins? The Mavs' starters were forced to play 44 minutes a game, likely the reason why their losses were almost
all blowouts.

2009-05-13T12:35:00.000-07:00

I am a big fan of Bill Simmons, arguably ESPN.com's top columnist. I think he's hilarious and I enjoy the way he connects sports with pop-culture references. He's also a diehard Boston sports fan, which further attracts me to his writing.

But Bill, GM of the Timberwolves? Seriously?

His reasoning is that his hiring would increase Minnesota's nationwide publicity and overall ticket sales. This is true... but to an extent. Sure, Simmons is well known across the country and has a very devoted fan base (myself included), but most of his readers are from the Boston area. I'm surely not going to fly to Minnesota to support him. The team needs to do well in order to fill the seats in the arena. Fans don't buy tickets because they like the GM, fans buy tickets because they enjoy watching the team play. If the Timberwolves are trotting out a lineup that includes Mark Madsen, Brian Cardinal, Kevin Ollie and Jason Collins (all of whom started of their last game of the season), I wouldn't watch the game on TV, let alone shell out $75 to watch it live. I'm sure Minnesota fans feel the same way.

There's also a considerable amount of luck involved in being an general manager in the NBA. Or any other professional sport for that matter. A GM could assemble the perfect team. The ideal mix of talent, chemistry, player salaries, veterans vs youth, along with fact that the starters & bench players recognize their respective roles. Suddenly the organization's superstar is injured and their championship hopes are all but lost. It isn't the general manager's fault when this happens. Now I'm not saying Minnesota had any chance to win the 2008 NBA title, but would last year's duo of GMs, Kevin McHale and Jim Stack, have taken the same amount of criticism if Al Jefferson hadn't torn his ACL midway through the season? Of course not. Jefferson was the franchise's best player. If he hadn't been injured they would have won more games and either McHale or Stack would likely still be the General Manager.

Simmons also contends that he can't possibly perform the job worse than awful GMs like Isiah Thomas and Elgin Baylor. While this also may be true, an NBA team, regardless of how terrible they are, is not going to hire a general manager that lacks the experience necessary to run an organization. Simmons has never even possessed an entry-level administrative job in the NBA. If he is seriously interested in becoming a GM (which it sounds like he is), he needs to get his foot in the door first. Shadow a general manager to see the daily duties and responsibilities. The position is much more than simple decisions like, "No I'm not going to give up two first round draft picks for Eddy Curry!"

Bill, you have the hook-up in Houston. Your boy Daryl Morey is the GM of the Houston Rockets. Learn some more about the position and maybe even take a lower role within organization.

Better yet, be the "VP of Common Sense" that you've always talked about. This experience will give you the credentials you need to become a general manager down the road.

2009-05-06T15:46:00.000-07:00

So I'm at work right now watching the 1988 Eastern Conference semi-finals, Celtics vs. Hawks, and couldn't help but notice how stacked this 1988 Boston team was. The Celtics had one of the best Power Forward/Center combos in the NBA in Kevin McHale and Robert Parish.

Flash forward to the 2009 Eastern Conference Semi-finals, Boston's starting power forward is now:

Oh how times have changed. We currently have a 6'6'' 300 pounder with a 4 inch vertical leap playing power forward.

And when he is in foul trouble, here is Boston's 2nd option:

I will now light myself on fire

Considering both of these guys will likely spend time guarding Dwight Howard, the league's best center from both an offensive and defensive standpoint, I don't really like the Celtics chances in this Orlando series.

Scottie's 2009 Playoffs Forecast: First Round

2009-04-19T12:48:00.000-07:00

Oops, I totally forgot to post my first round predictions for the western conference. My bad! To make up for it, I'm going to announce my entire western conference side of the playoffs bracket, up until the NBA finals.

After hours of hard work and deliberation, here's what I've got:

First round:
Los Angeles vs. Utah - Los Angeles in 4
(I think there are a few other games too, but the results aren't important)

Second Round:
Los Angeles vs. Houston/Portland - Los Angeles in 4

Conference Finals:
Los Angeles vs. Denver/New Orleans/San Antonio/Dallas - Los Angeles in 5 (I'm feeling rather generous on this one)

The NBA really wants a Kobe/LeBron finals. KG's knee injury was actually a result of an attack with a baseball bat by one of David Stern's henchman. To further advance the cause, the refs will do everything in their power to secure this NBA finals matchup. Since the Cavs may need a little more assistance than the Lakers will, LeBron is now allowed 9 steps (or 3 'crab dribbles'), 8 fouls, and will shoot approximatly 720 free throws in the 2009 postseason. He's also legally allowed to viciously slaughter any opponent averaging over 15 points per game in a series. In this situation, James won't be charged with a foul, but the murder will be classified as 'illegal defense.'

Scottie's 2009 Playoffs Forecast: First Round

2009-04-17T17:30:00.000-07:00

The NBA playoffs start Saturday and here are my thoughts:

Eastern Conference

Cleveland (1) vs Detroit (8) - Cleveland in 5. If the Pistons couldn't beat LeBron when they had homecourt advantage and Chauncey Billups as their starting PG, it's surely not going to happen now.

Boston (2) vs. Chicago (7) - Unless Michael Jordan returns and is magically in his prime, the Bulls will not win this series. The team is too young and inexperienced. While the Celts will be missing KG, it shouldn't be a factor against Chicago. Paul Pierce and Ray Allen will cause significant matchup problems for the Bulls and Rajon Rondo has played consistently well all season. Playoff experience alone should be enough for the Celtics. The Garnett injury also gives Boston an added bonus in the "nobody believed in us" motivation. Boston in 5.

Orlando (3) vs. Philadelphia (6) - I think this series is going to be closer than people think because the Magic are not completely healthy right now. It would not surprise me if the Sixers pull off an upset here, especially if key starters Rashard Lewis and Hedo Turkoglu are not playing at 100%. (Random side note: Tony Battie should not ever be in an NBA starting lineup, regardless of injury). Plus, the Magic rely too much on the 3 point shot. Even if they aren't hitting, they keep shooting, often ignoring Dwight Howard in the process. I still don't think Philly has enough to beat them in a seven game series. The Cavs nearly beat them in a contest that had important playoff implications for the Sixers... and Cleveland was playing without Lebron, Mo Williams and Big Z! Orlando in 6.

Atlanta (4) vs. Miami (5) - There are a lot of experts that are picking Miami to prevail in this matchup. The Heat have the best player on the court in Dwayne Wade, who nearly singlehandedly led them to the 2006 NBA title. While Wade is an amazing player, I don't trust the rest of his supporting cast. Maybe Jermaine O'neal would have an impact on the playoffs if this was 2004, but he hasn't done anything impressive all year. Starting PG Mario Chalmers and Michael Beasely, their first man off the bench, are both rookies too, which would make me nervous if I were a Heat fan. The Hawks on the other hand looked great in their playoff run last year, almost pulling off the biggest upset in NBA history. They have homecourt advantage, a veteran point guard, and Joe Johnson, who scored at will in the 2008 postseason. While the Hawks aren't very deep, they should still have enough to hold off Miami. Atlanta in 6.

KG is Out For the Entire 2009 Postseason?!?!?!?!

2009-04-16T15:19:00.000-07:00

So I was planning on posting an 2009 NBA playoffs preview article today... and then not one but two significant news stories occur, both of which involve my Boston Celtics

First, it's officially announced that the cornerstone of the team, Kevin Garnett, may be out for the entire playoffs. There has been a lot of speculation over the past few months that something just isn't right with KG's knee. Today it was confirmed. This is not good news for the C's playoff chances.

"It's not official that he's out for the entire playoffs, but it's official as far as I'm concerned" Doc Rivers stated before practice today.

Next it's released that Boston's GM, Danny Ainge, has a heart attack! One of his arteries was 100% clogged. He's expected to fully recover, but this is still awful news from a health standpoint.

Get well soon, Danny!

Back to the Garnett injury, I can't stress how much the Celts are going to miss KG in the playoffs. He's the best perimeter and help side defender on the team, by far. He can guard the opposing team's power forwards & centers and also clog the middle, preventing guards from penetrating the lane. He's extremely athletic and his motor is constantly running. A 7-footer that's as active as he is in terms of pressuring the ball is very rare.

KG's energy is contagious and it's clear that his presence positively influences the performances of the players around him - likely because they are afraid of him. His competitiveness is borderline insane.

Does this mean I think the C's will be upset in the first round?

Not at all... but the thought of the Perkins/Big Baby/Mikki Moore 'pu pu platter' guarding Dwight Howard in the inevitable 2nd round matchup against the Magic flat out frightens me.

Trouble in Paradise?

2009-04-15T13:14:00.000-07:00

As of 8 games into the 2009 season, my beloved Red Sox are off to a 2-6 start. While this is very , very early, there are still several reasons for longterm concern:

Our #2 pitcher, Dice-K, was just placed on the 15-day DL. In 6.1 inning pitched, Dice K has given up 9ER, 14 hits, 3 HR and walked 5 batters. He has an E.R.A. of nearly 13. It appears that he may still be fatigued from the world baseball classic.
While we're on the subject of pitching, Jon Lester is 0-2 with a 9.0 E.R.A, giving up 11 earned runs in only 11 innings of work. This is our #3 starter. Clearly pitching is a significant issue right now. The Sox now will need to rely heavily on the trio of inconsistency: Brad Penny, Tim Wakefield and Clay Bucholtz. Not a good sign.
Starting shortstop Jed Lowrie is another addition to the DL, is visiting a hand specialist today due to an ailing wrist. It looks like he may need surgery. I don't know what's worse, Lowrie missing a large chunk of the season or the fact that Julio Lugo will be taking his spot in the lineup.
Big Papi is off to an awful start: batting .161 (5 hits in 31 at-bats), no homeruns and 8 strikeouts.

I'm not going to lie, I'm worried.

Someone needs to 'right the ship,' fast!

- Scottie

You've been Struck out by a First Basemen!

2009-04-14T10:37:00.000-07:00

And last night's cy young for the Yankees was none other than...

Wait for it...

Nick Swisher!

Swisher pitched one inning of middle relief in Monday night's game against the Tampa Rays. Since the rest of the staff was getting shelled, why not put a first basemen on the mound? He can't possibly do any worse.

Here were his numbers, which were mildly impressive: 1IP 1H 0ER 1BB 1K

On a side note, how embarrassing is it for Gabe Kapler, who struck out during his at-bat against Swisher? Will he ever hear the end of it from his teammates?

Starting pitcher Chien Ming Wang also pitched one inning last night. Needless to say, he fared a little worse: 1IP 6H 8ER 3BB 1K

There will clearly be an opening spot in the rotation after Wang and his 29 E.R.A. are demoted down to New York's triple A affiliate Scranton/Wilkes Barre (best case scenario). Does this mean we'll see more of Nick Swisher's pitching?

One last jab - If pitching doesn't work out for Chien Ming Wang, it's safe to say he won't be transitioned to a position that requires him to run the bases. We've all seen how that works out for him.

Bucs Ink Super Bowl Winning QB Byron Leftwich

2009-04-13T11:45:00.000-07:00

Oops did I leave 'second-string' out of the headline? My bad.

Over the weekend the Tampa Bucs added another awful quarterback to compete for the starting position, Byron Leftwich.

Leftwich may be more immobile than a tackling dummy, but on the bright side, he was technically 2nd in the NFL last season in QB rating (although his 36 passing attempts, primarily in garbage time, wasn't nearly enough to qualify him for the statistic).

Now the Tampa Bay Bucs starting quarterback in 2009 will either be one of the McNowns (I forget which one, since they are both irrelevant), Brian Griese, Josh Johnson (who tossed 108 TD passes in his final 3 years with the NCAA powerhouse San Diego Toreros), and Leftwich. Basically the QB that sucks the least will win the job.

Let the games begin!

Welcome Back, Carl Pavano!

2009-04-10T09:55:00.000-07:00

Is there a Mendoza line for pitchers?

If one exists, this stat line from yesterday's game would surely be below it:

C Pavano (L, 0-1) 1.0IP 6H 9R 9ER 3BB 1K 2HR ERA:81.00

Anytime a pitcher's ERA is higher than the game-time temperature, there's a reason for concern.

Carl Pavano, once again showing us that he needs to be demoted to my illegitimate son's t-ball team. The only thing I'm upset about is that he's no longer on the Yankee's payroll.

While we're on the subject, here are his numbers in 4 years with the Bronx Bombers:

26 starts, 145.2IP, 182H, 81ER, 23HR, 75K, W-L 9-8, 5.00ERA

All for grand total of $39.95 million dollars, that's only $1.53 million per mediocre start. What a bargain!

Thoughts from Padres' Opening Day

2009-04-09T21:23:00.000-07:00

So I was at the game, in section 323, row 1, seat 15. Completely surrounded by Doyer fans. I violated my "only sit in the terrace when the doyers are in town" rule, and regretted it instantly. Figured I'd put my thoughts down here, and others that attended could follow with their own.

Wish I had taken pictures, but I forgot my camera in my truck. OH CRAP, I just realized why we lost!! My truck was there. Meaning I had driven to the game. For all of you 2008 GLB'ers who know what my truck does to the Padres, I whole heartedly apoligize.

Thoughts...

1) was at the Cox Communications pre-game party at Hotel Solemar beforehand, and saw Mud and Steve Quis there. Quis was just sort of floating around hitting the food, not really talking to anyone. Seemed kind of awkward.

2) First Opening Day I've ever been to where there were more fans of the opposing team than the Padres. That was very disheartening.

3) I like Eckstein. His sacrifice bunt was the first successful small ball i have seen from these guys in a while.

4) Adrian absolutely killed that ball that hooked foul. Baseball truly is a game of inches.

5) that Mujica guy isn't bad. He looked like he had some good stuff and froze Manny with a great pitch.

6) I think when they collapsed on the mound to council Gregerson (which, by the way, sounds like a fake name) they said "remember how the weather was today? well in Portland, it NEVER GETS THAT NICE" and he got that double play.

7) Kouz. Come on dude. 5 LOB's (that I remember). Not helping out the cause here. Crap, even Khalil hit 1 for 5 and got an RBI today.

Anyone else at the game? What did you guys think?

Tank Johnson to the Bengals? Is this a Joke?

2009-04-08T11:23:00.000-07:00

Although this may look like a posting on theonion.com, it's not. The Bengals seriously added Tank Johnson to their team.

Johnson, a 6th year defensive tackle, has spent more time in prison than on the football field. This of course makes him an ideal candidate for the Bengals.

"We feel like this is a better defense for Tank to show his talent," said Johnson's agent.

Sure, a roster full of criminals is the perfect environment for Tank, who has previously spent time in jail for the possession of multiple unlicensed firearms. He just needs to make sure he doesn't associate himself with the 93 other convicted criminals on the roster.

Oakland Raiders Weaken QB Position By Signing Jeff Garcia

2009-04-06T16:03:00.000-07:00

Raiders' offer 1-year contract to the ageless Jeff Garcia

This is an interesting signing by the AFC west's perennial doormat. Are the Raiders seriously thinking about using Garcia and his 'noodle arm' to mentor incumbent quarterback JaMarcus Russell?

I love the move from an unintentional comedy standpoint. Russell is widely known for his ability to throw a football 60 yards from his knees. As a Buccaneers fan, I've watched Jeff Garcia for the past few seasons. He couldn't reach 40 yards through the air if he was given a running start. Maybe Russell will be the teacher, training Garcia not to pass the ball like an 11-year old girl.

The Raider wide receivers were terrible enough as it is, now they will even be off-key at practice, being forced to work with two QBs with completely opposite styles.

My guess is that Garcia will be used strategically, with the purpose of giving the Oakland receivers a rest. Think about it, the receivers have been sprinting downfield all game, only to watch Russell's errant passes sail over their heads. Suddenly in comes Jeff Garcia, who fires off 76 straight screen passes to the halfback because he can't reach anyone else. Talk about throwing off the defense!

I'm BACK!

2009-04-03T13:03:00.000-07:00

Wow it's been over 3 months since WBTML has posted anything. Are we still alive? Was Scottie murdered by an angry Lakers fan? Did we run out of material after the 2008 Padres season officially ended? (The Padres season was mathematically over in May, but they actually were still playing until September... who knew?)

Good news - I think we're back! The 2009 Padres season is nearly underway, so Dave will re-emerge from hibernation. I'm thinking about taking a stance on the upcoming NBA & NFL draft, the NBA Playoffs, maybe some Tampa Bucs coverage here and there, and since I'm in San Diego, I may even writing about the Padres.

Today I found an interesting article about Michael Clayton, the Tampa Buccaneers 2nd string wide receiver. Clayton is coming off a solid 2008 season in which he almost had 500 years receiving. After underperforming for the past four years, Tampa Bay management consumed a few too many cocktails in early March and shockingly offered Clayton a 5 year, $26 million dollar contract.

If you need statistical evidence that Michael Clayton is an awful WR, here are his numbers over the past five seasons:

YEAR	TEAM	G	REC	YDS	AVG	LNG	TD	FD
2004	TAM	16	80	1193	14.9	75	7	56
2005	TAM	14	32	372	11.6	41	0	18
2006	TAM	12	33	356	10.8	27	1	22
2007	TAM	14	22	301	13.7	39	0	14
2008	TAM	15	38	484	12.7	58	1	21

Clearly not very impressive.

So why was he re-signed in the first place? ESPN's Pat Yasinskas answers this mysterious question in the following article:

Clayton Ready to Block Out the Past 4 Seasons

This quote summarizes the article perfectly: "I really think that's why I stayed here because they value the blocking so much," Clayton said.

Apparently that's an important quality in a #2 receiver... more important than CATCHING THE BALL!

... Well he can't haul in a pass to save his life, but that boy sure can block!

Ladies and gentlement, your 2009 Tampa Bay Buccaneers!

Silly Sports Related Pic of the Week

2008-12-22T13:27:00.001-08:00

annnnnd STAY DOWN!

Silly Sports Related Pic of the Week

2008-12-19T16:04:00.001-08:00

I will point out two things about this picture:

1) these guys are college athletes.

2) notice the court that the team picture is taken on. No, your eyes doth not deceive you. That is an outdoor court surrounded by a chain link fence.

I am going to find a jersey and wear it every time I play basketball for the rest of my life.

Wait, someone said that? Seriously?!

2008-12-02T19:27:00.000-08:00

"Plessico Barress"

That is all.

(apparently he went to Ladanian's "no warries" School of Broadcasting)

Wait, Someone Said That? Seriously?

2008-11-19T20:49:00.000-08:00

News out of Jacksonville is that apparently Jags WR Troy Williamson wants to fight his former coach with the Vikings, Brad Childress, at midfield during the Minnesota/Jacksonville game on Sunday.

When asked his opinion on who would win this epic battle, Vikings Defensive End Jared Allen said the following:

"Coach Childress is a tough-minded guy. And he has a bad ... mustache."

I have a clarifying question for Allen. Is the mustache "bad" because it makes him look bad-ass or because it makes him look like a creepy pedophile? I opt for the latter.

Is this post over yet? Not until I display Childress's response to Williamson's jabs at the coach's weight:

"I'm not like a woman; I'll give you my weight. It's 190 pounds of twisted steel and rompin', stompin' dynamite."

- Scottie

Abandon Ship!

2008-08-29T18:28:00.000-07:00

Apologies for the gap between posts. I've been slowly recovering from a particularly bad case of the Padres. It was completely awful. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers.

(this is a flag flying half mast, may God have mercy on our souls)

Pads vs Mets

2008-08-05T17:31:00.000-07:00

Dinner, shminner. Look at the score, for Christ's sake. It's only the fourth inning and I'm up 2 to 1. Dinners come and go, Scottie, but San Diego, "the Friar," they only sweep New York once, maybe twice in a lifetime.

Wait... What?

2008-07-31T16:55:00.000-07:00

Imagine my surprise when I looked at the newspaper this morning and read the following gem in the U-T:

"As the Padres feared, shortstop Khalil Greene fractured his left hand on Wednesday night when he slammed a storage chest at Petco Park in frustration over his season-long slump."

You have got to be kidding me. As if we weren't doing bad enough. Now we lost any semblance of defense we once had up the middle because Khalil Greene -- of all people -- decided to show some emotion and frustration and let loose for a second.

This is a team that routinely grounds in to double plays to end the game and doesn't seem to give two shits. The last position player with any emotion was forcibly thrown down by our fearless leader and strangled with his own ACL (see: Bradley, Milton).

I hate my life. Go Padres.

Silly Sports Related Pic of the Week

2008-07-22T19:53:00.001-07:00

Trevor Hoffman shows a fan where Benji Molina's last HR landed.

WBML's Midseason Baseball Awards - NL

2008-07-07T12:02:00.000-07:00

Since Scottie was kind enough to write about the AL (aka the league with the douchy-est fans in the country), I will now gladly do my first half of the season review of the NL. What a strange season it’s been so far. First of all, the reigning NL champion is a paltry 37 – 51. In fact, the NL West, one of the strongest divisions in baseball last year, is absolutely atrocious (combined 196-243). No one can win a game. The NL got absolutely stomped in interleague play this season, and looked completely outmatched by even the worst teams in the AL.

Not a good time to be an NL fan.

Without further ado, let me dive right in to my midseason awards:

NL MVP Award – Adrian Gonzales
Holy shit! Dave picked a Padres player! I know surprise surprise. But before you get all righteous and indignant, let me back up my claim. The pride of Eastlake High School is having an absolutely monstrous season, with 22 HR (3^rd in the NL), 70 RBI (2^nd in the NL), and 7 BroBI’s, which is far and away the most in baseball. As of today, Adrian is responsible for 30.6% of the runs scored by his team (70 RBI and 52 R, minus the 22 RBI and R that come from his HRs, out of a team total of 327 runs). Completely absurd. Too bad the Padres suck at life.

Honorable mention – Chipper Jones, Chase Utley, Albert Pujols

NL LVP Award – Andruw Jones, Michael Barrett (tie)
I don’t even know where to start with these two. Andruw Jones has been absolutely awful. Dude showed up to spring training this year looking like he was spending 100 dollars a day on 5 dollar footlongs from Subway. Just a giant FU to Dodger fans. Then he followed it up with hitting .155. His range in the outfield is completely gone. Awful. Oh yeah and they’re paying him $18.1 million. Per year.

Anyone who frequents www.gaslampball.com and sees my posts (as justdave) knows how I feel about Michael Barrett. But for those of you who don’t, let me enlighten you. I feel that he in unequivocally the most worthless player in baseball. This is a guy we acquired for his bat that is batting .202. Oh and that last at bat where he took a ball to the face? That’s his first at bat over the Mendoza Line since April. And did I mention he couldn’t throw out a Molina brother stealing 2^nd? Every single hit by an opposing team is instantly stretched in to a double, sometimes even a triple. I would argue that Michael Barrett is indirectly responsible for more Padres losses than any other player, and I encourage someone to do the research for me (too lazy).

Honorable mention – Barry Zito, Aaron Harang (for singlehandedly killing my fantasy team, that pick is out of spite)

NL Cy Young – Tim Lincecum
Oh man. Have you watched this kid pitch? Really? Here, look at this video. Read this article. This kid is 10 – 1, with a 2.49 ERA and 122 K’s, the most dominant performance by an NL rookie since the Doc in 1985. For some reason he isn’t starting the All Star game, and while Volquez is having himself quite a little season, he’s no Lincecum. This kid is the next superstar in MLB, mark my words. 5’10”, 172 lbs, throws 98(!!!!!!!!) mph, with a curveball that buckles my knees, and I’m watching him on TV. Yes, I have a man-crush on Tim Lincecum. Its pretty obscene.

Honorable Mention – Edinson Volquez

The Barry Zito Award for the Anti-Cy Young – Barry Zito
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA.
Stupid Giants, your money bought you a case of Herpes. He’s awful. His fastball has lost an extraordinary amount of velocity. His curveball doesn’t cross the plate for strikes. He’s had so many issues that it’s pushed Bruce Bochy’s abnormally sized head near the point of explosion. Their front office seems to have chosen poorly. Honestly? I couldn’t be happier.

Honorable Mention – n/a. no one is even close.

NL Rookie of the Year – Edgar Gonzales (aka Skinny Me)
Follow my logic here. Not only is Edgar hitting .309 (which to the Padres is like hitting .709), he is directly responsible for Adrian’s dominance this season. Adrian just looks happier with big Bro chillin on the field next to him. And if you combine their numbers together, they have 25 HR and 85 RBI, which means the Fighting Gonzalii are putting up MVP caliber numbers here (notice I have AGon as my MVP up there, like the continuity?) so they should at least be ROY, ya know? FOLLOW ME DAMMIT!

NL Manager of the Year – Bud Black
the man is an All Star Manager!!! You have to respect his ability to juggle the offensive three headed juggernaut that is the Padres Left Field (McAnulty, Hairston, Headley). I don’t know how he does it. And don’t get me started with his genius with our bullpen. Trevor never blows tie games! Put him in every time!

Seriously though it should be no one. Did you watch interleague play this year? We got outplayed, outmanaged, and outmoustached. Outhustled, outthought, outpitched, outhit, outeverythinged. We all suck. Our managers are garbage. I hate my life.

You gotta give Bob Melvin some love though, who else could coach a sub-500 team to the top of the mountain?

WBML's Midseason Baseball Awards - AL

2008-07-06T11:27:00.000-07:00

It’s halfway through the 2008 baseball season, and you know what that means:

Every writer makes their picks for the end of the year awards based entirely on the statistics of the first few months, and nearly all of the winners will inevitably be different at the end of the season, causing these writers’ all to look like morons.

The Well Below the Mendoza Line staff (both of us) are firm believers that predicting the end of the year awards at the halfway point of the season is irrelevant, so our midseason baseball awards are below.

Scottie will be in charge of the American League, which makes sense since he is the superior writer, and the AL is the only league in baseball that matters. Dave will be conducting our much anticipated predictions for the National League award winners. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the NL, it’s the other league in baseball, also known as “AAAA” (since it’s not quite on the same level as the AL). The NL teams are usually the ones swept by the AL in the world series.

AL MVP – Josh Hamilton. Wow, I feel wrong just writing that. Josh Hamilton??? His numbers can’t be ignored though… he’s leading the league in RBIs with an astonishing 82, his 19 homeruns are tied for second best in the AL, and he is batting .308 as well. More importantly, Hamilton’s success gives hopes to crackheads everywhere – three years ago he was addicted to just about every drug imaginable, including crack cocaine, he has been in rehab eight times since then, and has missed three and a half years due to his addictions. Now he’s near the top of AL in nearly every main hitting category. Maybe the Olsen twins and Lindsey Lohan should consider taking up baseball.

AL LVP – Paul Konerko. It appears that Konerko’s baseball abilities are depleting faster than the ozone layer. He continues to flirt with the Mendoza Line, hitting an awful .215, good enough for worst in the AL. At the midway point of the season, he’s currently on the injured list with an oblique strain, and only has 8 homeruns and 30 RBIs. If he ever recovers from his injury, he will surely be demoted to the NL, where his .215 batting average would be tied for 15^th best in the league.

AL Cy Young – Francisco Rodriguez. See, this is why midseason predictions are useless. Does anyone seriously believe that Joe Saunders and Cliff Lee will still be competing for the AL Cy Young in September? I don’t, so I’m going out on a limb and giving the award to K Rod, who seems all but destined to break Bobby Thigpen’s record for most saves in a season. With 34 saves before the all-star break and a sub 2 ERA, he’s been virtually unhittable so far. In 37 innings, he’s only allowed 22 hits and 8 runs. He’s successfully converted all but two save opportunities.

Rookie of the Year –Joba Chamberlain. With only six career starts under his belt, he’s already the greatest pitcher in baseball history. Chamberlain is 6-0 as a starter this year, with 5 no-hitters and one perfect game. Amazingly, he has only thrown 12 balls, and those were on purpose – he loaded the bases simply because he was bored and wanted a challenge.

In all seriousness, I like Evan Longoria to win this award. Although I’d love to be a homer and go with my boy Jacoby Ellsbury, Longoria has put up better numbers than him in almost every category (except for the obvious, stolen bases).

Manager of the Year – Ozzie Guillen. Guillen epitomizes everything a good manager should be – he publicly calls out his players for sucking, strictly using profanity, he complains to the media that his GM is doing a shitty job, and overall is just a complete douche bag to everyone. Apparently this rather unique managerial approach is working though. His White Sox have the 4^th best record in the AL, are tops in the league in homeruns, and also have the best ERA.

The Rollie Fingers Award for the MLB’s Best moustache – Jason Giambi. Giambi is resurrecting his career simply because of what he’s not doing: shaving the area above his upper lip. I’ve actually heard broadcasters say that Giambi resembles a “70’s era adult films star,” which is awesome, although I think he resembles more of a pedophile. He also publicly brags about wearing a gold thong under his uniform every game. No one in baseball looks cooler than him right now; he deserves some recognition for having the balls to grow a ‘stache like his.

The Rick Ankiel Award for the Player That Should Probably Start to Re-Think His Career Path – Dontrelle Willis. To help explain the downward spiral of Dontrelle Willis’s career, I found a quote from Jim Leyland: "He was actually not too bad. He was around the plate, wasn't really wild. He walked three guys but it wasn't like he was all over the place." FYI, these are post game comments from Willis's most recent performance... for Detroit's SINGLE A minor league affiliate. Ouch. He's been getting shelled consistently in the majors this year (0-1 with a 10.32 ERA in four starts) and now he's struggling against single A competition after being demoted to the Lakeland Flying Tigers.

The Michael Barrett Award for the Player I hope Hits Himself in the Face With a Foul Ball – Julio Lugo. Every day I wake up in the morning, log onto my computer, order a “Tom Emanski Instructional Baseball Video,” and ship it off to Julio Lugo. My odds are pretty good that he receives them – these videos surely aren’t going to get lost amongst any fan mail. However, since he’s only playing worse as the season continues, I’m fairly certain he pays no attention to my attempts at improving his awful play. The Red Sox are paying him over 9 million this year, and he brings absolutely nothing to the table. He’s batting .263, has only one homerun and 19 RBIs in 244 at bats, and is tied for the major-league lead in errors. Even more impressive is the fact that Lugo is quite fast, yet he’s managed to ground into 13 double plays, tied for 7^th in the majors. The only thing Lugo does consistently is grab his nuts.

- Scottie

Danny Ainge: Please Put Down the Bottle of Scotch

2008-07-05T17:34:00.000-07:00

As a Celtics fan, I’m a bit nervous about next season. After reviewing a few of Danny Ainge’s recent transactions, along with some new additions he’s considering, I’ve decided that one of two things is occurring:
1. Ainge has recently hired Isiah Thomas as his financial advisor
2. He’s currently on a three-week bender, spending his days drinking scotch with Tommy Heinsohn and watching game tape from the late 90’s. Due to this massive state of intoxication, he’s brainstorming thoughts like “Darius Miles played great in his cameo in “Van Wilder,” signing him would be an awesome idea” and “Corey Maggette averaged 22 points a game last season, we could have the big 4!”

If Ainge has been on an alcoholic binge, he has a good reason for it – in a single year, he completely transformed the Celtics from a perennial cellar dweller into NBA Champions. Entirely due to his successfully orchestrated offseason moves, the Celtics raised their 17^th world championship banner. The city of Boston will now love him forever.

But seriously, Danny, what the fuck are you trying to do to this team????

One of the key reasons the Celtics were so great is that they had chemistry last year. These guys all enjoyed being around each other. It was apparent from the beginning, during their preseason trip to Rome, and even more obvious while they were celebrating their victory in game 6 of the NBA finals.

KG, Paul Pierce, and Ray Allen all put aside their own individual accolades and made sacrifices for the team, so that the Celtics would be more successful as a unit. James Posey came off the bench as a lock-down defender that consistently hit clutch shots, P.J. Brown played big minutes when KG or Perk were in foul trouble, Eddie House, Rajon Rondo’s backup, provided instant offense when he was used, and Leon Powe contributed with some much-needed rebounding and scoring. Each player had his own specific role – there wasn’t one man that stood above the rest.

Now it appears that Ainge is trying to ruin this chemistry. He recently drafted J.R. Giddens, and has brought in numerous players for workouts, two of which include (gulp) Corey Maggette and Darius Miles.

J.R. Giddens – Giddens had a remarkable senior year with New Mexico, leading the MWC in rebounding from the guard spot and was fourth in scoring. At the 30^th selection in the NBA draft, Boston couldn’t have picked up a player with more talent and potential. However, J.R. has had a very troubled past, which includes involvement in a plot to steal from wal-mart, he was charged in connection with a bar fight in Kansas (also being stabbed in the leg in the process), and was also suspended at New Mexico for an attitude problem. These incidents were all a few years apart, so it’s clear that Giddens does not learn from his mistakes. Does he really deserve a fourth chance?

Corey Maggette – Where does he fit in with this team? Not only has Maggette always been a me-first player that only looks for his own shots, but signing him eliminates the cap space required to sign James Posey. The Celtics would not have won their recent title without Posey. Joe Johnson would have scored 40 a game in the first round if Ray Allen was forced to cover him (look what happened at the end of game 4, Johnson was scoring at will) and Paul Pierce would not have been an offensive factor if he was exerting all of his energy guarding LeBron and Kobe for 40+ minutes a game. Pierce is a great defender, but he’s no James Posey. Corey Maggette would be cancerous to this team – he brings nothing to the table except his scoring ability, which is very inconsistent anyway, and he also doesn’t seem like the type of player that would embrace a reserve role.

Darius Miles – No, this isn’t a joke, the Celtics really did bring in Darius Miles for a workout. Since I’m sure you’d like to know, here’s what Miles has been doing recently: in the past three months, he has been suspended for 10 games for violating the NBA’s substance abuse policy, and was also told by doctors that he has knee damage serious enough to be career-ending. He hasn’t played in a regular season game since 2005, and to top it all off, he’s also historically been a locker room cancer. These are all well-known facts, yet Ainge still decides it would be a good idea to take a look at Miles. The one positive aspect of signing Darius would be that Scot Pollard would finally have someone that he could cheech his apartment with.

After the news of these workouts leaked, I’m sure Ainge’s voicemail is now filled with messages from the agents of Vin Baker, Lattrell Spreewell, Shawn Kemp, and Dennis Rodman.

Hopefully he isn’t still drunk when he answers the phone…

- Scottie

Silly Sports Related Pic of the Week

2008-06-25T09:05:00.000-07:00

Michael Barrett practices his new strategy of posing like an idiot for 3 seconds before attempting to throw out runners stealing second, while his zoo-keeper watches on cautiously.

Most coaches agree that this move is completely f_cking retarded, and question whether he ever healed from his concussion.

"We need to keep him strapped down," said trainer Bob McBoberson, "or else he'll start swinging and missing at everything in sight."

Oh how the mighty have fallen...

2008 Mock NBA Draft - Picks #1-10

2008-06-25T00:01:00.000-07:00

I’ve spent the majority of the morning glued to ESPN, and as a result, have watched roughly 14 hours of coverage on the 2008 NBA Draft. I’ve heard the words “upside,” “intangibles,” and “project” about 1700 times. My eyes are now bleeding.

In other words, I should probably start actively pursuing a job.

I do feel like I have a very thorough understanding of how this year’s NBA Draft will shape up, leading me to believe that I can now complete Well Below the Mendoza Line’s first annual mock draft! I’m limiting myself to the top 10 picks – by the time I’m finished, there will inevitably be a few trades that screw everything up, thus my mock draft will be deemed completely irrelevant.

Warning: These opinions and perspectives may or may not be mine – I’ve been exposed to so many of Chad Ford’s thoughts today that my predictions could come out exactly the same as his. I can’t make any promises…

1. Chicago Bulls – Derrick Rose, Memphis, PG. The Bulls have a tough decision here – do they choose an elite point guard that has been compared to Chris Paul and Deron Williams, or a power forward, with a ton of scoring potential, who’s heralded at the next Derrick Coleman? To me, it’s a no-brainer. Rose is originally from Chicago, and has publicly stated that he wants to play there. He’s very unselfish, plays defense, and will be a successful point guard in the NBA barring injury. While Chicago may already have an established point guard in Kirk Hinrich, would the Bulls even be considering Rose if management felt that Hinrich is their future at that position? Hinrich’s numbers were down in nearly every category last season, and his name is constantly involved in trade rumors, so it appears that Chicago is looking to move forward without him. Rose is the safest choice here, and should be the top pick overall.

2. Miami Heat – Michael Beasley. While I’m not sold on Pat Riley’s interest in Beasley, it seems like the only logical move here. The NCAA’s top freshman in 2007 has undoubtedly proven he can score. He dominated the post in college, even though he was constantly facing double teams, and he can shoot the ball exceptionally well for his size. Beasley’s defense is questionable, but come on, we’re talking about the NBA here – No one plays defense anyway! Critics also bashed Kevin Durant before last year’s draft for his lack of defensive ability, but unlike Durant, Beasely at least has the build to guard NBA players. Plus, Shawn Marion’s presence should compensate for Michael’s potential flaws on the defensive end. Miami can’t afford to pass on a player as talented as Beasley, so when it’s all said and done, he will be chosen by the Heat.

3. Minnesota Timberwolves – O.J. Mayo. I like this selection here for Minnesota. Mayo is a HUGE upgrade over their current starting shooting guard, Marko Jaric, and will add some much-needed defense to Timberwolves’ lineup as well. He also shouldn’t be forced to play out of position at point guard, since Randy Foye is the team’s self-proclaimed future floor general. Mayo is a great shooter, and should also be able to take some of the pressure off Al Jefferson, who is the only Minnesota player that can consistently score. Mayo should be able to contribute immediately for the Timberwolves.

4. Seattle Supersonics – Jerryd Bayless. Currently running the offense for Seattle is none other than Earl Watson! Although Bayless may be projected as a shoot-first point guard, he’s a much better option than Watson, and the Sonics do need another scorer to complement Kevin Durant. Adding Bayless to the team would give Seattle a solid backcourt for years. Unfortunately the Sonics can’t possibly screw up this draft as bad as they usually do; after John Riek withdrew, there aren’t any foreign, overrated, 7-foot projects available anymore. However, they still do need a center – expect Hasheem Thabeet to be damaging the Key Arena backboards with his errant shots during the 2009/2010 season.

5. Memphis Grizzlies – Brook Lopez. Let’s face it, Darko Milicic has used up all of his chances in the NBA. He’s terrible and should move back to Europe where the leagues are much less competitive. That being said, Memphis desperately needs help in the front court. Deciding whether to start Milicic or Kwame Brown is like choosing between a 1988 Ford Taurus and a 1988 Mercury Sable – both vehicles are basically identical, and equally as shitty, so either way you’re driving a very unreliable car. The Grizzlies have shown interest in Kevin Love, but I can see him being a bust in the NBA. Love is small for his position, and doesn’t have the athletic ability to make up for the size that he lacks. He’s not going to be a competitive as a power forward, especially in the western conference. Brook Lopez is tall enough to be a center, he’s athletic, and can use a wide array of moves to score in the post. Through his success at Stanford, he proved he could play in one of the toughest conferences in the NCAA.

6. New York Knicks – Russell Westbrook. Rumor has it that Mike D’Antoni doesn’t like Danilo Gallinari, so it doesn’t look like Gallinari will be chosen with this selection. Derrick Rose would obviously be an ideal fit for D’Antoni’s system, so if I were the Knicks’ front office, I’d be shipping gallons and gallons of alcohol to Chicago, hoping Bulls GM John Paxson will get so intoxicated that he offers his number one pick to New York in exchange for Stephon Marbury and Zach Randolph. Since that scenario is highly unlikely to happen, the Knicks should select Russell Westbrook here. He’s extremely talented, plays great defensively, and unlike everyone else that’s currently on the roster, Westbrook has the ability to run the offense. By drafting Westbrook, New York will actually have… wait for it… a point guard!

7. Los Angeles Clippers – Eric Gordon. The Clippers would love it if Eric Gordon falls this far in the draft. He is the shooting guard that they have coveted all along, since Corey Maggette is likely to opt out of his contract. He’s also the best player available here. Gordon can shoot extremely well, but that’s not all he brings to the table – he’s also fast, a great finisher, and has the potential to be an excellent scorer in the NBA for many years.

8. Milwaukee Bucks – Kevin Love. Due to Bobby Simmons’ inexplicably forgetting how to play basketball after he left the Clippers, Milwaukee needs to add a small forward to the roster. However, if Kevin Love is still available, the Bucks should choose him with this selection. Love can allow Charlie Villanueva to play the 3, where he is more comfortable, and should be able to contribute next season – Kevin is smart, he can rebound, and he’ll immediately be one of the best passing big men in the league. Plus, Milwaukee can add another white starter to the roster, so Andrew Bogut doesn’t need to high-five himself each time he attempts a free throw.

9. Charlotte Bobcats – Kosta Koufos. I’m going out on a limb on this pick, since none of the draft analysts are predicting Koufos to be selected this high. If I’m right, there’s a good chance I’ll replace Chad Ford as ESPN’s basketball version of Mel Kiper. Charlotte needs size. Emeka Okafor is relatively small for the center position, and it would probably benefit both him and the Bobcats if he slid over to the power forward. Taking Koufos here, a 7-footer who performed exceptional in his pre-draft workouts, would allow Okafor to play the 4 on a daily basis. Kosta is very skilled in the post, which would complement Emeka’s weak offensive game. In a completely unrelated note, if there was a basketball god, Koufos would be selected by Seattle. This would allow him to be teamed up with Robert Swift, also an ugly, white, 7 foot center with a face full of acne, resulting in a Sonics practice filled with unintentional comedy.

10. New Jersey Nets – Danilo Gallinari. We’re over 1,300 words, are you still reading yet? If Gallinari is still available at this pick, the Nets will take him here. He’s expressed interest in playing in New Jersey (so he’s obviously never been there) and would fit in well with the team. Gallinari is supposedly the total package – he can shoot, he can pass, and he’s a slasher. Sure, he could always be yet another European bust, but experts don’t think it’s likely since he’s put up good numbers in one of the most competitive leagues overseas. I did find it interesting that Gallinari is being compared to Toni Kukoc. Does that mean his ceiling is a role player that averaged a mere 11 points per game over an injury-plagued career? Is that supposed to be considered a positive compliment?

My predictions are complete and there haven't been any big trades yet - I consider that a victory!

- Scottie

Last Chance to Vote for Carrie

2008-06-24T08:57:00.001-07:00

(Thanks to the guys at Gaslampball.com for pointing this out...)

Our own Carrie from the Pad Squad is in the final round of voting to become a Deal or No Deal model. If she wins, she will leave us. So please don't vote for her.

Just kidding, get your ass online and vote for this tower of hotness as many times as you can (I believe 10 times to be exact).

Link here...

or you can vote by texting "C" to 59595

DO IT!

Wait, Someone Said That? Seriously?: Youk

2008-06-23T19:53:00.000-07:00

Terry Francona, when asked his opinion on Kevin Youkilis being referred to as the "Greek God of Walks:"

"I've seen him in the shower, and he isn't the Greek god of anything"

Tito, not only is that a bit too much information, it's also false... maybe he's the Greek god of small penises?

A Comeback of Epic Proportions

2008-06-15T17:37:00.000-07:00

It’s been nearly three days, and I’m still in shock over Thursday’s NBA Finals matchup between the Celtics and Lakers. Down by 24 points against an extremely talented Los Angeles team, the Celtics pulled off a comeback of epic proportions, on the road nonetheless.

It’s been a very ironic past couple weeks for me. I’ve lived on the east coast throughout my entire life, but on June 3rd I relocated west to San Diego. The Celtics have always been my favorite NBA team, but it appears that I chose the absolute worst time to exit the Boston area. When I booked my flight in April, I had no idea that I’d be leaving during the franchise’s quest for their 17th championship ring.

Further complicating matters, I’m now only a few hours away from the enemy.

Since I reside in Southern California, I’m lucky enough to spend the majority of the 2008 NBA Finals surrounded by douche bag Laker fans. It’s widely assumed in this city that no one that lives here is originally from San Diego, but we’re still close enough to Los Angeles that there are a high abundance of people that root for the Lakers. Plus, with the recent success of Boston sports, the amount of people that resent these teams is increasing substantially.

I watched the game at “PB Bar and Grill” in Pacific Beach, a coastal neighborhood of San Diego. Surprisingly, there are a few bars in the area known to favor Boston teams. PB Bar and Grill was not one of them.

Anyways, here are a few of my thoughts:

The first half of this game was a terrible experience. Boston was getting killed and the Laker fans surely assured that me and the other five or six Celtics fans at the bar knew it. I was forced to witness cheers whenever Los Angeles made an exciting play, along with laughing and high-fives after every Boston turnover. I also received numerous text messages from my friend Tyler, a die-hard Lakers fan. Of course I had the last laugh, but this was all very annoying at the time.

I’m not sure whether Boston organized an amazing rally or the Lakers just historically collapsed. It was probably a combination of both. Regardless, it reminded me of a matchup in the Madden video game series. I’ll have an enormous lead after the first two quarters and everything will be going in my favor. My offense can’t be stopped, the opposing team can’t gain a yard against my defense, and I’m padding my stats in the turnover department. All of a sudden, the second half commences, and I can’t score a point. Computer bullshit completely takes over the game – Joey Harrington is 16-17, 250 yards and four touchdowns, and I can’t tackle to save my life. Garbage cornerbacks are picking off my QB left and right, and every time one of my players is wrapped up, he chucks the ball in the air like he’s holding onto a grenade. Usually my team still manages to win, but it's much too close for comfort.

Game 4 of the 2008 NBA Finals closely resembled my "Madden" experience not only because the rally was improbable, but also due to the fact that it wasn't simply Boston's stars that stepped it up. The role players also played a significant role in leading the charge. Just like I didn't anticipate Von Hutchins intercepting my QB three times, no one expected Eddie House to play 25 minutes and score 11 points. James Posey is primarily known for his defense, but he scored 18 points points in this game!

While the reserves were very productive, they only played significant minutes because of injuries to the starters. Therefore, as bad as it sounds, I think that injuries have benefitted the Celtics in this series. The Pierce injury in the first game shifted the momentum in Boston’s favor, and after that point, they never looked back. During their come-from-behind win in game 4, Rondo hurt his ankle and Perkins injured his shoulder. With Perk out, the Celtics were forced to play small, using KG at center and James Posey at power forward. Since Pau Gasol hasn’t established himself in the post yet in the series, and Lamar Odom usually plays out on the wing, this is a lineup that Boston can successfully utilize. It worked out great defensively and was a key factor in trimming the Los Angeles lead.

In addition, with Rondo favoring his ankle, Eddie House played a ton of minutes. Adding House to the lineup allowed the Celtics offense to flourish. Generally speaking, Rajon Rondo frequently damages backboards with his jumpshot. His jumper is awful – rather than falling in the basket, it’s much more likely to injure someone on the court. Knowing that Rondo’s shooting is suspect, Kobe Bryant, who is usually the lucky player assigned to Rajon, can play six feet off him and constantly double team whoever else has the ball.

Outside shooting is really the only skill Eddie House brings to the table, so when he is in the game, the Lakers can’t afford to leave him open. Even when House is cold, he’s still more of an offensive threat than Rondo. Too bad Doc Rivers didn’t figure this out earlier in the playoffs.

At the end of the game, I was almost positive that the Celtics were going to lose a heartbreaker. Completing this rally can’t be possible – If successfully executed, it would be the biggest comeback in NBA finals history. Even after Boston finally tied the game, I assumed that overcoming the lead had taken everything out of them, and the team would be running on fumes for the remainder of the 4th quarter. Kobe would inevitably hit some clutch shots and the Los Angeles crowd would carry the Lakers to victory.

Fortunately I was wrong.

Although both teams in this series blew seemingly insurmountable 20+ point leads at home, the Celtics were able to pull off the upset at the Staples Center, while Los Angeles came up just short in Boston. The reason the Celtics never completely collapsed is because their fans wouldn’t let them. The crowd at the Garden in game 2 never sat down and didn’t stop cheering, even when it appeared that their team could easily lose a contest that shouldn’t have been within reach in the first place. The fans kept the momentum in Boston’s favor and never lost faith. As a result, instead of flying across the country with the series tied 1-1, the Celtics retained home court advantage and were two wins away from their 17th NBA championship.

- Scottie

Wait, Someone Really Said That? Seriously?

2008-06-11T17:25:00.000-07:00

Roger Clemens, on the recent allegations that he used yet another 'performance enhancing' drug: Viagra

"Forget about my 354 wins, 4,672 career strikeouts, and .658 winning percentage, the greatest accomplishment of my lengthy major league baseball tenure has been my ability to regularly pitch seven innings a game while concealing a massive erection."

Okay, you caught me, Clemens never actually said the above quote. But seriously... can life get any worse for him? Roger has been accused of using 26,129 types of steroids, lied about it under oath, and now he faces perjury charges, which will probably lead to prison time. Oh, and he also cheated on his wife with a 16 year old girl, and recently we find out that he can't even get a boner anymore.

Should you feel bad for him? Of course not. He is a giant bag of douche and deserves all of this negative publicity.

- Scottie

Sunday Funday!

2008-06-10T10:29:00.000-07:00

Sunday, June 8th, 2008. Otherwise known among the Mendoza Line staff as "Sunday Funday." An alignment of the stars allowed us to witness something truly rare, considering the sorry sacks that we root for on a regular basis. All of our teams won. All of them. Every single team we care about in the tiniest amount. What can best be described as a complete statistical anomaly resulted in one of my more satisfied moments of fandom in my life. The only blemish on the day was that the Yankees won.

Let me elaborate, with the big three (in my horrifically biased opinion) taking precedence.

CROATIA 1 - AUSTRIA 0

I know what you're thinking. "Croatia is clearly not Padres related, is this a typo? Did I accidentally go to some crazy soccer blog? I WANT PADRES AND CELTICS NEWS!!!"

But as some of you may know, I am a Croatian-American, and therefore I must root for my countrymen whenever they are playing. And since I woke up to ESPN2 (and got a convenient text message from a soccer watching friend) I decided to watch.

Croatia was horribly outplayed for 86 minutes but still won, although being tremendously outmatched by the host country. Sounds like a Padres game, only with winning. Cheers to that.

PADRES 8 - MUTTS 6

So this was the greatest damn game ever. First of all, we got redonkulous seats via our good friends at stubhub.com (the pic is the view from our wonderfully priced 33 dollar seats, 16 rows from the field. Boo ya.)
I had a feeling the bats would wake up for this game, being that it was a day game and the Padres had managed to eke out four consecutive 2-1 victories. One out of every five games, the Padres are legally allowed to score more than five runs. Then they quiet down for a week, then score again. Its a tried and true Padre method of suckitude, and we do it well. Luckily our good pitching timed perfectly with our hitting, and we managed to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat with a dramatic 8th inning HR by octogenarian Tony Clark. Follow that up with some old fashioned Trevor Time and I can say with confidence that this was the most entertaining game I've attended all year.

CELTICS 108 - LAKERS 102

Dear Jebus I hate the Lakers. Always have. As far as NBA teams go, I tend to just follow my UConn guys around the league, and I'll pull for the Bulls, but I'm generally neutral. Scottie, on the other hand, is a Celtics lunatic. That made this game particularly entertaining.

The C's jumped out to an absolutely insurmountable lead in the 4th, followed by what was nearly the most terrifying loss in basketball history. They simply stopped playing. There's no other way to explain it.

Have you ever been playing a pickup game against inferior opponents? The kind of game where you get up 13-2, then start relaxing and looking for exciting plays to have some fun. Then some random scrub on the other team closes his eyes and starts banging three's like he's the 5 foot 2 asian cousin of Ray Allan (this actually happened to Scottie and I in a pickup game last night. Bad times.) Before you know it the score is 13-11 and you actually have to start playing again? That's what happened to the C's, only instead of tiny generic asian dude, it was Kobe Bryant. If it hadn't been for Sasha Vujacic (Serb, so I don't care for him) thinking he should shoot a contested three at the end of the game, they might have actually come back. They shrank a 24 point lead with 7:30 left to freakin 2 POINTS!!!! with :36 left. Stupid.

OTHER VICTORIES
- Red Sox 2, Mariners 1: Shout out for Scottie and his crazy Boston people. Hey it's better than the Yankees.
-Pittsburgh 6, Arizona 4: YAAAAAARRRRRGH go Pirates! I love watching AZ's lead on the NL West shrink and allowing my previous prediction to come closer to fruition. Call me Carnac baby!
-Sunlight 100, Scottie's face 0: When attending Padres day games, one must wear sunscreen or a hat. Scottie ignored this rule, and now looks like the Kool Aid guy.

Mets vs. Padres: An Unbiased Perspective

2008-06-09T12:26:00.000-07:00

This just in: Well Below the Mendoza Line will now post a non-biased article on the Padres!

Yes, this is Scottie Thompson, a life-long Red Sox fan’s perspective on his first visit to Petco park. (Sorry to go all ‘Rickey Henderson’ on you guys by speaking in the third person)

As a Red Sox follower, I feel like our wins are typically taken for granted. When the Sox are victorious in a regular season game, it doesn’t really matter that much to me– we’ve won so many games over the past few years, including two championships in the last four years, that a single victory isn’t really that big of a deal.

However, to a Padres fan, a team that’s basically been in the cellar all season, every win is enormous. After a seemingly uneventful win against the Mets the other night, Dave’s dad called his cell phone and they began to rejoice, as if San Diego had just sealed the NL pennant. Dave and his friends were all giddy when they were discussing the game.

Rooting for the Padres is like constantly cheering for the underdog, and it seems like its kinda fun. There’s no pressure at all for San Diego – If they lose, it’s expected, but if they win, it’s exciting.

A few things I noticed during the game:

1. Petco park is a beautiful stadium. Fairly large (it seats around 45,000), conveniently located, and overall a very fan-friendly atmosphere. We spent $35 on tickets and were nearly on ground level, directly across from the first base line.

2. There were a ton of Mets fans in the stands, in fact, we were completely surrounded by them. The two women in front of us were covered in New York apparel, and through their constant screaming, they made sure that they were always heard by everyone around them. At Fenway, these two would have been murdered by the second inning. They didn’t even appear out of place at Petco park.

3. San Diego fans have a very interesting method of heckling. Not only do they harass the opposing team, but in the process, they also heckle their Padres. For example, one man yelled “Hey Pedro [Martinez], you suck… you can’t even strike out Khalil Green, who is batting .210 and couldn’t even hit a beach ball!” The fans were critical of their own players, particularly the pitching staff. The starting pitcher was often yelled at for his reluctance to throw strikes and repeatedly allowing base runners to steal. There were numerous jabs directed at the usually unproductive San Diego offense as well.

4. I’m not a Padres fan, but I still found myself cheering along with them throughout the game. As I mentioned earlier, it’s like rooting for the underdog. On a few occasions, there were deep fly balls hit by San Diego players. The entire crowd stood up, completely silent as the ball traveled its course, waiting to erupt if it cleared the stands. Ultimately that didn’t happen, and the ball was caught. Everyone sat down, discouraged, even though they never expected a homerun anyway. Regardless, you could feel the disappointment spreading across the park.

5. When Trevor Hoffman comes in, the place goes absolutely nuts. “Hells Bells” plays, preparing the crowd for his entry, and everyone stands up and directs their attention to the bullpen. Hoffman emerges and the entire stadium immediately starts screaming and cheering. It’s amazing how much his presence fires up the crowd. The Padres fans are typically very pessimistic, except when he comes in… they know the game is over.

Overall, I had a great time today. The game appeared to be over in the 8th inning, the Mets up 6-4 with Billy Wagner entering the game, who’s been nearly unhittable so far this season. Plus, a 2 run lead against the Padres is usually insurmountable, since they only score a few times a week.

Tony Clark steps up to the plate with a 3-2 count, two outs and two runners on. The entire stadium is on their feet, hoping for a miracle. Suddenly Clark hits a towering shot over the center field wall. As soon as his bat connected with the ball, there was no doubt that it was leaving the park. The crowd went crazy, and I found myself high-fiving everyone seated close by. Sure, the win didn’t mean as much to me as it did to the thousands of people surrounding me, but I still felt as if I was sharing the same sense of joy they were experiencing.

An outsider would have viewed this as a meaningless win due to its circumstances – a mid-season game against a mediocre non-divisional team. Witnessing that game at the stadium today, however, I felt like I was part of something much more significant.

- Scottie

The NHL - Where Fun Goes to Die

2008-06-07T23:33:00.000-07:00

A few days ago, I experienced something more painful than urinating shards of glass: I tuned into game 5 of the Stanley Cup playoffs, Red Wings vs. Penguins. Even worse, I decided to write a running diary on it.

The writers of "Well Below the Mendoza Line" realize that we need to broaden our audience, since there are only a small percentage of San Diego Padres & Boston Celtics fans in the world. We aren't biased, just lazy.

The results: I've now appeased the few NHL fans in the country (as long as you don't mind my blatant criticism of this terrible excuse for a sport).

I don't think I've watched a hockey game in ages, which is surprising since I'm from Maine... Now I know why. This was the most boring sporting event I have ever witnessed, hands down, and I didn't even start watching it until the start of the second overtime!

11:43: Shot of token Canadian sideline reporter named “Pierre,” a mandatory figure at every hockey game.

11:44 – Nothing pumps me up more than an “All-American Rejects” song!

11:45: Pittsburgh subs in their second line, which is 5 guys at once. This leads me to believe that Doc Rivers is coaching the Penguins tonight.

11:47: Both of these announcers sound very Canadian, which must be a requirement for hockey, because I’m sure you have to travel far and wide to find an American that enjoys this sport.

11:48: I’ve been watching for five minutes and no fights yet! I thought there were like 97 fights a game?

11:48: The announcer just reminded us that next goal wins…we’re 5 minutes into the 2^nd overtime

11:50: Apparently a controversial penalty of “goaltender interference” was just called on the Red Wings, which has really fired up the announcers. The only thing worse that could have happened is someone drinking their last Molson.

11:51: We’re told yet again, “next goal wins!”

11:52: Two minutes pass by where Pittsburgh has an extra player, and they still can’t score. This doesn’t make sense to me. In the NBA, the opposing team could probably score 20 points in two minutes of 4 on 5.

11:55: This is starting to get boring – Someone needs to do something exciting, like take off their skate and slit someone’s throat with it. Where’s Todd Bertuzzi when you need him?

11:57: We almost witnessed a fight, but it was merely pushing and shoving. My #1 stereotype of hockey has been ruined… no wonder why no one watches this sport.

11:59: These goalies are either really awesome, or these two offenses are terrible. I’m not sure. Detroit has taken like 86 shots so far, and the Pitt goalie has stopped them all.

12:00: Where the fuck are all the commericials? If this was the NBA or NFL, there would have already been 76 commercials in this period alone.

12:01: Dallas Drake enters the game, who, judging by his name, must be a porn star. I can’t wait to see his sketchy moustache.

12:02: My attention span is dwindling, it’s been almost 20 minutes now and no one has put the puck in the net. There was more scoring in my freshman year of college.

12:03: They just panned across both benches, and EVERY SINGLE PLAYER had a moustache/beard combo. All of them. Meanwhile, I’m 24 and can’t even grow one single chin pube. I don’t think I’d be allowed to play hockey.

12:06: At last, I’ve found a rebellious player: Malkin isn’t sporting a stashe or beard. The Canadian Mounties need to arrest this man!

12:08: Big hit by Detroit, finally, something relatively exciting has happened. At this point, I think a preseason WNBA game would be more stimulating.

12:09: Still no commercials. Hasn’t anyone in the NHL ever thought “hey, we’re broke as fuck and we need to raise some money. How about we advertise?” Seriously, are any of the NHL execs aware that these games are televised? At least broadcast a Molson or a french fries and gravy ad. Get some damn sponsors!

12:11: The NHL is a professional sport, right? (I'm sure some would claim to differ). To pump some excitement into the league, why not legally permit steroids? Could you imagine a hockey player with roid rage? Hell, I'd watch every game for the opportunity to see that on a daily basis - angry Canadians checking opposing players through the glass, swatting guys with their sticks, and brawls every other second. Fuck the scoring, everyone knows that people only watch this game for the fights anyway. Steroids would clearly make the inevitable confrontations more interesting. Come on NHL, lets make it happen!

12:13: Please. End. Soon. For the love of god.

12:14: End of the 2^nd OT, still going strong.

12:15: and the Intermission Report begins, sponsored by…wait for it… Heineken! Apparently the NHL thinks its primary audience is young black men.

12:18: FYI - the NHL on NBC is brought to you by Honey Dew Donuts and Amica insurance!

12:20: The announcer tells me this is fun to watch, and I’m not sure if he’s watching the same game as I am.

12:30: OT #3 begins

12:33: I just realized the last time I watched hockey was “Mighty Ducks 2,” which was at least mildly entertaining.

12:39: Hey I just found out again that the next goal wins. Listen – anyone that’s watching a hockey game at 12:40 is very dedicated to the sport, (except me, I’m just really fucking bored) so I’m sure they are familiar with the rules.

12:41: High sticking penalty called on a Detroit player who looks asian. 4 minutes in the penalty box. In other words, four more minutes where Pitt has a clear advantage and will still probably blow it.

12:45: Goal!!!!!!! Apparently this Sakora guy called his shot by claiming that he’d get the game winner, and he did. Pitt wins 4-3.

On to Game 6, which I’m sure will be an awesome game. Seriously, let me know how it goes…

- Scottie

Silly Sports Related Pic of the Week

2008-06-03T17:22:00.000-07:00

Brad May and Alexei Semenov rejoice in the news that California is considering legalizing gay marriage.

"Thank God I was traded to the Ducks," exclaimed a breathless May, who joins Semenov (San Jose) playing in California.

Wait, Someone Really Said That? Seriously?

2008-06-02T07:42:00.000-07:00

Although the upcoming statement is from August 10, 2007, I believe it's wrong to have a column dedicated to hilarious & asenine quotes, and fail to include Scot Pollard, the NBA's king of both intentional and unintentional comedy.

Pollard, at the press conference after the Boston Celtics signed him and Eddie House:

"Getting Kevin Garnett has been kind of a big deal. But now that the two of us are here, you really have a chance. I'm excited to be the cornerstone of this team."

I'm not even going to add anything here...

- Scottie

Bold Prediction

2008-06-01T18:43:00.000-07:00

The Padres will pick up 5 games on the NL West and only be 3 games back by the All Star Break. Yeah I said it.

Wait, Someone Really Said That? Seriously?

2008-05-29T15:33:00.000-07:00

Don't mean to double up on this here, but this was too much to let stand.

I was checking my fantasy team yesterday (named Dear God the Padres are Bad), when i saw a little star next to Carlos Guillen's name. Ever the dutiful fantasy owner, I immediately checked to see if there was any new super awesome news.

I was confronted by this monstrosity...

Guillen is struggling with a severe case of hemorrhoids, the Detroit Free Press reports.

Spin:

"He can hardly move - he's got hemorrhoids so bad," Tigers manager Jim Leyland said Tuesday. "He's been playing with hemorrhoids that probably need to be lanced. He probably shouldn't have been out there (at third base on Monday)." Guillen was at DH on Tuesday to give him a bit of a rest. He's been given some medication for now to treat his symptoms.

Holy shit. I thought you had to be at least 65 to get hemorrhoids. Couldn't they have picked something better to spin this? Like "Guillen is struggling with a severe case of Herpes," or "Guillen is struggling with a vicious case of Foreign Accent Syndrome."

Poor Grandpa Guillen, hope he recovers soon.

Wait, Someone Really Said That? Seriously?

2008-05-28T07:50:00.000-07:00

Brent Barry, when asked about his 'spectacular' performance in last night's 93-91 loss to the Lakers:

"It's like putting whipped cream on shit"

In a related story, I'd eat whipped cream covered shit if doing so meant that the Spurs would be eliminated from the playoffs.

Finally, great no-call in the closing seconds of game 4. If Derek Fisher had been called for a foul, and Los Angeles had ended up losing the game, many objects in my house would have been destroyed. And pillaging would have been involved.

Is it obvious yet that I despise the Spurs?

- Scottie

Silly Sports Related Pic of the Week

2008-05-27T15:01:00.000-07:00

Actually I should apologize for the misleading title of this post. I noticed that Scottie had posted a Red Sox hottie so I felt compelled to counter with a Padres hottie of our own.

Meet Carrie, blazing absurdly hot Pad Squad member (like cheerleaders but for baseball) here in San Diego. Carrie recently won a contest to become a Deal or No Deal model, which means she'll be leaving us for the big money. That's OK, we can still watch her from the relative comfort of our home (far less creepy than ogling her at games, trust me).

Her model bio page is here.

Go check it out...

Move Over, Erin Andrews...

2008-05-26T17:58:00.000-07:00

Next week, I'll be moving from Maine to San Diego. While I won't miss much about the lame state of Maine (besides Dunkin Donuts and the lack of traffic), it's certainly going to be tough not seeing my dreamweaver Heidi Watney on a daily basis.

Heidi Watney is the recently hired sideline reporter for the Boston Red Sox. Since I've been able to watch nearly every Sox game this season, I've seen a lot of her. While she doesn't appear to be very bright, and she's not the most knowledgeable about baseball either, she's definitely one of the hottest reporters in sports.

Heidi is a former Miss San Diego, and four time Miss California contestant. She recently worked as a weekend sports anchor and reporter for KMPH Fox-26 in Fresno, and is a University of San Diego alumnus.

Do yourself a favor and watch some Red Sox games this season, not only because they're major league baseball's defending champs, but also so you can see my girl Heidi patrolling the sidelines.

- Scottie

Silly Sports Related Pic of the Week

2008-05-23T10:51:00.001-07:00

He's just going to be hungry again in 20 minutes...

We can rebuild you, we have the technology...

2008-05-23T10:09:00.000-07:00

So for the last two days, I've been trying to find a silver lining in the Black Wednesday injuries to Chris Young and Josh Bard. Lo and behold, I do believe I have found it.

I think that when Chris Young returns, he should be forced to wear the infamous Richard Hamilton Schnozeroo.

Just think of the possibilities!

Normal mild mannered Chris Young, seen here demonstrating his book smart nerdiness that got him through Princeton (Dorky McDorkerson if you ask me) would be transformed in to a sheer badass of ninja like proportions.

Here, let me demonstrate...

The following are top secret pictures acquired by the Mendoza Line staff, to be released here for the first time. As you can see, they show the remarkable transformation of Chris Young from mild mannered everyman to intergalactic tough guy. If you don't believe me, ask Derrick Lee.

Pre and post transformation pictures.

Look out league, the Padres are comin' back!

What's up, Doc?

2008-05-21T07:14:00.000-07:00

Often in sports, we are blessed with miracles. A few historic examples include USA hockey defeating the Soviet Union in the 1980 Olympics, the Red Sox rallying from an 0-3 deficit to win the 2004 ALCS, and Doug Flutie’s Hail Mary against Miami in the 1975 Orange Bowl. On Sunday, we witnessed another miracle, when a horribly outcoached Boston Celtics team led by Doc Rivers somehow prevailed in Game 7 against the Cavs.

The Celtics were without a doubt the superior team offensively and defensively, and should have dominated every game, yet Cleveland was merely a few missed opportunities from winning the series. The reason Boston nearly lost was poor coaching.

I can’t totally trash on my boy Doc, because he didn’t do EVERYTHING wrong, I did agree with a few of his decisions. James Posey was the first guy off the bench in every game in the series. He’s arguably the best great defender on the Celts, and for 20 minutes or so each game, he gave Pierce a much needed break in guarding LeBron. It also should be known that this was a very obvious move… even someone as incompetent as Isaiah Thomas would agree with this. Doc also neglected to play Sam Cassell over the past few contests, which was a great call since not only was he shooting the ball horribly, he was forcing shots as soon as he caught a glimpse of daylight.

But…

1. What’s the deal with his substitutions?

I often find myself wondering if Doc Rivers is hammered during games. I think this is the only logical reasoning that can even attempt to explain his substitutions. Clearly there is no pattern to who he plays, and he surely doesn’t use anything close to resembling a professional basketball rotation.

Eddie House, a streaky shooter at best, only logs in like 8 minutes during the series, all garbage time. Suddenly, he plays 30 minutes combined in games 6 and 7. Leon Powe performs great in the first two games in Boston, and inexplicably sits on the bench for nearly the remainder of the series, single handedly killing his confidence. The ghost of P.J. Brown, whose legs appear to be glued to the court at all times, plays 20+ minutes in games 4 and 7, but is rarely utililized the rest of the time. Worse, "Big Baby" Davis, a ROOKIE (also a second round pic for those of you keeping track at home), plays 17 minutes in game 7, almost all of these being in the clutch. Just in case you missed it, "Big Baby" missed 6 of 8 shot attempts and turned the ball over a costly five times.

Some of these lineup changes did end up working out for the best in a few single games. House brought some much needed energy in game 6, and P.J. Brown had a significant contribution in the deciding contest of the series. But why did they occur in the first place? Yes, it's necessary to alter individual playing time in regards to matchups, to assure that the opposing team won't have an advantage. For example, the Celts probably wouldn't play Powe significantly against the Lakers, since he's an undersized forward that isn't very athletic and the Lakers are a huge, very talented team. But the matchups didn't change at all - the Celts were still playing the Cavs after the first two games, so why alter the lineup so significantly when it had been working well in the first place? Yes, Cassell needed to be benched, but was it necessary to sit Powe?

A consistent rotation is very important, especially the playoffs. When players aren't accustomed to the others being on the court with them, turnovers are the result.

2. Why not use the “Hack-A-Shaq” technique on Ben Wallace?

If Doc watched even the last five minutes of any quarter in the Spurs vs. Suns series, he would have seen how great this tactic worked for San Antonio. Popovich fouled Shaq when the Spurs were already in the penalty, and not only did it slow down the Suns’ potent offense that relies on the fast break, but Shaq only made 50% of his free throws (32 – 64).

Meanwhile, Ben Wallace makes Shaq look like Mark Price from the foul line. Wallace is the WORST FREE THROW SHOOTER IN THE HISTORY OF THE NBA, 41% for his career. Yes, while Shaq is still very awful from the free throw line, he's averaged 52% throughout his career, which is 11% higher than Wallace if you do the math.

Plus, Cleveland averaged about 950 foul shots a game, so the Celtics were always in the penalty at the end of quarters anyway. Call me crazy, but I'm pretty sure that hacking Wallace a few times a game would take the ball out of LeBron's hands for some possessions, which would have been to the Celts advantage - this series was so close that every offensive set was crucial. It'd be a much better bet to force Big Ben to beat you from the line, rather than attempting to stop LeBron.

Jeff Van Gundy kept repeating this over and over again. It was to the point that I wished he hooked his mic up to the PA system at the Garden and passed the message along to Rivers. Anytime the announcer broadcasting the game is infinitely smarter than your favorite team’s coach, that’s a pretty big problem.

3. Design some quick-hitters for Ray Allen!

Ray Allen is the best shooter on the Celtics, hands down. Yes, he was extremely cold during the series, and couldn't throw the ball in the ocean, but he still had Wally fucking Sczerbiak guarding him. Wally is an awful defender - I'm positive that he is paralyzed from the waist down. Since poor shooting isn't something that's typically a problem with Allen, he just needs to get his confidence back up.

The only way for a marksman to regain his confidence is to make some baskets. He was constantly double teamed and wasn't getting any good opportunities. Doc needed to create some plays for Ray - set some screens and get him some open looks. After hitting a few open shots, he's bound to start scoring consistently again.

- Scottie

Wait, Someone Really Said that? Seriously?

2008-05-18T22:49:00.000-07:00

Alex Rodriguez finally delivers in the clutch… In a meaningless mid-May simulated game.

Sunday evening, I see an article on the front page of ESPN.com that reads: "A-Rod Hits Grand Slam in Simulated Game." Intrigued, I click on the link. For those of you who don't know, these "games" consist of only a pitcher and a catcher. There are no fielders involved, not even Derek Jeter, who can surely use some extra defensive practice.

“It’s invaluable to get those at-bats,” said Rodriguez. “You can’t duplicate it anywhere else.”

… except maybe a batting cage?

Now is a homerun in a baseball simulation really that much of an accomplisment? If so, consider me Babe Ruth. One time when I was much younger, I played a simulated game in my backyard against my 7-year old brother. I had three grand slams, take that A-Rod!

A few other clarifying details:

A-Rod’s grand slam was not a deep fly ball, it was actually a liner that was barely hit past second base. It took Yankees catcher Jose Molina, arguably the slowest person in the universe, 45 minutes to reach the ball. By the time Molina finally picked up the ball, not only had all four runs has scored, but every other Yankee that participated in the simulated game had showered and were already home.
In Sunday’s simulation, Rodriguez had five hits in fifteen at-bats. He fared much better this time than he did during his simulated playoff game last October, when he was 0-20 with 14 strikeouts and hit into six double plays.
While a 5-15 day at the plate may appear to be rather impressive, this means that the awful Yankees pitching staff managed to get A-Rod out ten times, without any defensive help whatsoever. I'm not even mad!
The fact that A-Rod had five hits in the simulated game should not come as much of a surprise. It should be noted that he was batting against four members of the Yankees pitching staff, who have been getting shelled all year. Although Billy Crystal did not fare very successful in his preseason at bat, when he faced Yankees pitchers in a simulation, he hit .710 with six home runs.
Rodriguez was also walked five times. Some of these pitches that were "just a bit outside" included balls that were thrown over his head, behind him, underneath his legs, and two were even thrown at his wife in the stands. One pitch hit him in the pinkie, causing him to flail around like a little girl, let out a high pitched scream, and start crying. Yes, of course this is true... If you look at this season's stats, the Yankee hurlers are far from accurate.

- Scottie

Silly Sports Related Pic of the Week

2008-05-15T09:53:00.000-07:00

While the similarities between Sam Cassell and extra terrestrials are uncanny, I never knew that there was actually some validity in this comparison. As it turns out, before he was drafted by the Houston Rockets in 1993, the 38 year old point guard served as E.T.'s stunt double in the classic 1982 motion picture.

Wait, Someone Really Said That? Seriously?

2008-05-14T20:48:00.001-07:00

Delonte West, Cleveland Cavaliers, on the issue he's been having with his eyes lately:

"It's hard to play this game with one eye unless you're a pirate."

I couldn't agree with you more, Delonte. Although pirates possess an abnormality that makes executing the fundamentals of basketball very difficult, these players have still been able to overcome all odds and display extraordinary success in the NBA.

Reasons Why I Hate The Spurs (and why you should too)

2008-05-09T07:09:00.000-07:00

"As the Detroit player inched towards Manu Ginobili in an attempt to establish position, Ginobili dove to the ground as if a grenade had exploded nearby."

4 championships in 11 years... You Bastards

Even though he's played over 11 seasons in the NBA, Tim Duncan has never committed a foul. Simply amazing. (Yes, I stole this comment from Charles Barkley)

If you can't beat em, use an expendable bench guy to shoulder check the opposing team's best player into the scorer's table, causing him to break his nose. Real classy, San Antonio, real classy.

In a stunning chain of events, Tony Parker was driving to the hoop and suddenly he was shot down by a sniper in the nose bleed section!

Wait, nevermind, it looks like he's going to be okay. We just reviewed the instant replay and it appears that Parker inexplicably fell to the floor after missing a layup.

And yes, of course a foul was called, because no Spurs played would ever do anything that remotely resembles a "flop."

Did I mention that Parker is banging this every night?

- Scottie

Game 1, Celtics vs Cavaliers: Uglier than Kendrick Perkins

2008-05-07T12:50:00.000-07:00

Remember the scene near the end of Billy Madison when Billy answers the final question using the "puppy that lost its way" analogy? Although it was quite funny, his response was so terrible that it caused everyone in the audience to be dumber afterwards. I couldn't help but think about this last night as I watched game 1 of the Celtics vs. Cavaliers series, which was by far the worst showing of professional basketball that I have ever witnessed.

The Cavs and Celtics botched this game much worse than Billy screwed up the Industrialization question. Similar to the Knibb high school principal, I was speechless after this horrendous performance. The game was downright awful, offensively and defensively. After the final buzzer sounded, I was half expecting David Stern to approach center court and utter a speech that concluded with: "Everyone in this crowd is now dumber for having watched this game. The Celtics may have scored more points in the end, but I do not award you this victory and may God have mercy on your soul."

Some may argue that both teams played great defense, which was why the final score was so low. If you believe this, you were clearly watching a 1987 Cavs vs. Celts game on ESPN Classic. Seriously, I’m a huge Celtics fan, but I’ve gotten more satisfaction out of preseason WNBA games. Okay, that’s a blatant lie, but that’s how bad it was to watch. There were 867 blown layups, passes inexplicably thrown out of bounds, 40+ turnovers that were caused solely by the offensive player, and a ton of missed shots. Cleveland shot 31% from the floor and only lost by 4! Meanwhile, Boston had 23 turnovers and shot barely over 40% and still managed to come away with a victory. Neither team deserved to win this game.

LeBron James had a truly remarkable performance, nearly achieving a triple double: 16 missed shots, 10 turnovers, but only 9 tears shed while complaining about calls that didn’t go his way. Ray Allen failed to score, just like in “He Got Game” when he turned away those hot twins, and Paul Pierce finished the contest with only 4 points. Pierce took almost as many charges (2) as points scored. Meanwhile, Kendrick Perkins outscored 2 members of the Big 3 COMBINED... when this happens and you still come out on top, it’s simply amazing. Other “highlights” included Perk almost getting hit in the nuts after misjudging a fastball that KG fired off the backboard, LeBron alternating his pivot foot like he’s in an aerobics video, and Big Z being fouled so hard that the cigarette almost fell out of his mouth.

The only positive note for the Celtics last night was that Kevin Garnett came to play, scoring 28 points on 60% shooting, primarily due to his patented 20 foot jumpers and fadeaway hookshots. Please, someone tell KG that he’s 6’11’’ and arguably the most athletic big man in the league. When scrubs like Zaza Pachulia and Joe Smith are guarding him, it's clearly in his best interest to work his way closer to the basket, since he can completely dominate these guys offensively.

Finally, my favorite play of the night was when Sam Cassell was lying on the ground and Big Z inadvertently kicked him in the head. Cassell immediately jumps up and without hesitating, challenges Big Z to a fight. Now it’s probably a good thing that Sam's teammates were holding him back, because E.T. surely would have been killed. However, it’s amazing that someone Cassell's size would attempt to attack a 7’3’’ 300lb giant that’s likely an assassin in the KGB. This situation shouldn't be much of a surprise; anyone that's seen Sam play over the years knows that while he may be rather small, he's always played like he's got a pair.

- Scottie

Silly Sports related Pic of the Week

2008-05-06T13:21:00.000-07:00

"Clemens showing teammates his legendary workout routine."

...beat it.

and as a related bonus, the least surprising story of the week.

The Day That Turned Around a Franchise

2008-05-06T08:24:00.000-07:00

Monday May 5 may be looked back upon as one of the turning points in this young Padres season. “I was absolutely elated, and it being Cinco de Drinko today, I’m shocked I even know what that word means. That’s just how excited I am,” exclaimed one tequila sodden Padres fan.

The cause of this city wide elation? Other than the fact that San Diego borders Tijuana, and therefore Cinco de Mayo takes on a whole new meaning, of course. It was this one simple fact.

The Padres did not lose today.

The character showed by this team on this fine day was extraordinary. Granted, they did not actually play a game. But the lack of a win does not dampen the sweet success of not losing. Believe me, I’ve seen this team play, and if anyone could get a loss on a day off, its these clowns.

So Bravo Padres! Bravo indeed. Keep it up, I hope to watch you not lose for a long time to come.

Silly Sports Related Pic of the Week

2008-04-29T11:05:00.000-07:00

...wow.

Come up with a better headline than mine:

"Sam Cassell focused on seeing some action from the bench in Game 2."

The Silence of the Fans

2008-04-28T10:57:00.000-07:00

Everyone who knows me knows that I am a psychotic rabid Padres fan (yes we actually do exist, both of us). Any baseball conversation I ever have always turns back to the Pads, to the point that it ends up irritating everyone around me. Think “da bears” guys from SNL but just me, and about the Padres. Yeah its pretty bad. Which makes the travesty that’s happening in downtown San Diego this year all the more painful for me to bear. I’m starting to lose my patience, and this is why.

The Padres are awful this year. There I said it. We are as of today the worst team in the NL West, hitting below .230 as a team (.227 !!!!!!!), scoring a paltry 3.2 runs per game, and without a doubt leading the league in expressionless faces. They’ve grounded in to roughly 396 thousand double plays, and have stolen a total of 7 bases. At the time this was written, their leading hitter is hitting .284 with a whopping 4 HR. Night in and night out these bums get a runner on 3^rd with less than two out, and they NEVER score. Ever. They’ll score 7 runs in the first game of the week (which the bullpen blows), then score 1 or 0 for the rest of the week. Jake Peavy, Chris Young, and Greg Maddux have ALL had games where they allowed 1 run on 5 or fewer hits and LOST. They’re just plain pathetic.

Which brings me to my point. I just don’t understand the point of this year’s Padres ballclub. Everyone this side of the Colorado River knew that the Diamondbacks were the best team in the division, and perhaps baseball, and that we didn’t stand a chance in hell of competing with them this year. Why in God’s name are we not playing the youngsters that we have all throughout the organization then, giving them some much needed big league experience so we can make a run for it next year. This Diamondbacks team did EXACTLY that (as did the Rockies, by the way), and went out and signed some huge free agents (Dan Haren and Randy Johnson) to make a run this year. For the last few years they’ve been that scrappy young team that’s almost got it, they just need a little more experience. You’re trying to tell me the Padres couldn’t have done that?

In an effort to make this as long winded as possible (and to show my true frustration) I’m going to break this team down by position and show you what I mean.

C – Josh Bard: the best thing about this position in my opinion is that Michael Barrett got injured forcing Buddy Black to play Bardo every night. I like Bard. He’s got a spaghetti arm and he’ll never hit like he did his first season with us, but he’s a serviceable catcher that the pitchers trust, that can call a hell of a game. No complaints here.

1B – Adrian Gonzales: stud. Wish he’d show a little more backbone, but a stud nonetheless. God awful in the clutch though, an almost guaranteed double play in the above mentioned situation (runner on third less than two outs).

2B – Tadahito Iguchi: he’ll heat up I’m sure, but shit. Come on man. At least he salvaged his April with the walkoff Saturday. Good show. Farrr better option than last years starting 2B (Marcus Giles).

SS – Khalil Greene: overrated. My fellow Padres fans will hate me for saying this, but look at his numbers. He’s got better than average range at SS, I can’t think of a better player when he goes horizontal, and he’s got a cannon for an arm, but his hitting is atrocious. He will be a career 250 hitter, mark my words (he’d need quite the hitting streak to even TOUCH 250 this year, much less remain there, but that’s not the point).

3B – Kevin Kouzmanoff: dude needs to calm down and hit. Underrated as a fielder, but I think he’s pressing too hard as a hitter.

SP – if they got run support they’d be among the best in baseball. No doubt in my mind. Pleasant surprise in Randy Wolf. Jake is the best in the business, hands down.

RP – see above. I won’t fall victim to the “burn Trevor at the stake for blowing games” mantra. The best pitchers in baseball give up a run every three innings, so it stands to reason that when a closer is given a one run lead in 4 straight relief appearances he’s bound to blow at least one of those games. The only thing that kills me is the predictability of it. OH and Trevor, don’t pitch to Bengi Molina anymore. Ever. Ok?

Everything I’ve said above would look like a decent team, right? They’re basically the squad that carried us to 89 wins last year, and a near playoff birth (tough to beat a team that doesn’t have to touch home plate to score, but that’s beside the point). Here’ where the wheels fall off the bus.

RF – Brian Giles: overpaid. 3 years removed from his prime. Sadly the only hitter on the team that I have any kind of confidence in this year. Hitting lead off? Really Bud Black? That’s the best you have to offer?

LF – the three headed monster of Scott Hairston, Paul McAnulty, and Justin Huber. Hairston is a total joke. He’s hitting about .170 at this point, and he always looks like he’s about to start crying. Start juicing again buddy, it was better for the fans. McAnulty and Huber are actually decent, but they don’t get enough playing time to get any kind of plate confidence. If it was up to me, these guys would be starting in left and right, respectively. That is unless we weren’t idiots and actually kept Milton Bradley. Miss him at all Sandy Alderson? I sure as hell do. You think his crazy ass would have let this bunch of bums play like this and get swept at home by the Giants? He would killed an umpire on the field before he let that happen. God I miss that guy. Anyone else notice that the current slump the Padres are in extends to last year? When he got injured? Yeah he’s that important.

CF – Jim Edmonds: it took me four tries to type that because I kept stabbing myself in the eye with my keys. He’s hitting 170, he is WAY too old and slow to cover that outfield. It’s a nightmare. A multi million dollar nightmare. And to think, Mike Cameron’s suspension would have ended today.

That doesn’t even take in to account the monster in the minors that is Chase Headley, a 3^rd baseman with a stellar bat who is being converted in to an outfielder.

Basically I would be so much happier if we just canned Giles, Hairston, and Edmonds, and let Huber, McAnulty, and Headley play. Sure theyd make some errors, and might not hit right away. But I’m pretty sure we’d still be 10-16 or better, maybe not in dead last place, and it would offer me something to look forward to. All I see now is a steaming pile of Mendoza line hitting atrocity. I was joking the other day that were the Padres to get in to a fight on the field, they would get their collective asses kicked because the only one that would put up any kind of a fight would be Jake Peavy. The rest of these bums just stand around lifeless the whole game with the same blank “can I go home and play guitar hero yet” expression on their faces.

But who am I kidding, what would be the point in fighting, these clowns can’t hit anyways.

2008 NBA Playoffs Preview

2008-04-20T15:53:00.000-07:00

After one of the most exciting NBA seasons in recent memory, it’s finally time for the Playoffs! We’ve witnessed one of the tightest MVP races of all time, and since there still isn’t a clear cut favorite, the debate will inevitably continue for the next few weeks. The two teams that have historically achieved the greatest success, the Lakers and Celtics, are back on top once again. The Lakers were tops out west this year, and the Celtics finished with the best overall record in the league. Boston also completed the best single-season turnaround in NBA history as well. Finally, the Western Conference race was undeniably one of the most competitive in NBA History. There was a lengthy span during the year where eight teams were within three games of each other, and even today as the regular season ends, seeds 1-6 are only separated by two and a half games.

Now for the question everyone is asking: Who will win the NBA title this year?

Eastern Conference:

Boston Celtics (1) vs. Atlanta Hawks (8) – 8 games below .500, yet the Hawks are still in the playoffs. You gotta love the Eastern Conference. Unfortunately for the Atlanta, they get the chance to play the Celtics in the first round. The Hawks are a young team, and outside of Mike Bibby, they have with very little playoff experience. On the other hand, the Celtics are comprised mostly of veterans. This team has many playoff games under their belt, along with three superstars that are hungry for a championship. It doesn’t look very promising for the Hawks. In addition, not only does Boston have home court advantage, but the Celts have won all three games these two teams have played this year. Boston has also been extremely hot through the end of the season; although their starters have been resting quite a bit lately, the team has still been victorious in 11 out of their last 12 games. On the contrary, no one expects Atlanta to win, so the pressure is all on the Celtics. Atlanta has a very talented and athletic squad that will be competitive for years, but Boston is a much superior team in nearly every aspect of the game, and won’t allow this to be much of a series.
My prediction – Celtics in 4

Detroit Pistons (2) vs. Philadelphia 76ers (7) – Although they’ve been struggling lately, Detroit still comes in with the second best record in the NBA. It seems like every year, Detroit coasts through the end of the regular season and waits until the playoffs to really turn it on. The Pistons are healthy right now, the starters are well-rested, and unlike the past, it appears that Detroit actually has a reliable bench this year. As for Philadelphia, they’ve a very young team with very little (if any) playoff experience. The 76ers have also lost seven of their last ten to end the season, including four straight losses. Plus, besides Igoudala, Philly doesn’t have many options on offense – The Pistons tenacious defense should eat them alive. Philly did split the season series with Detroit 2-2, so the Sixers have proven that they can play with these guys, which is why they probably won’t be swept. In the end, it’s all going to come down to playoff experience, and the Pistons will prevail.
My prediction – Pistons in 5

Orlando Magic (3) vs. Toronto Raptors (6) – The Magic won two out of the three games these teams played this season, and although they haven't been at their best lately, Orlando still finished with the third best record in the Eastern Conference. Dwight Howard’s play is the key to a Magic victory – he needs to realize that no one on the Raptors can guard him, especially not Chris Bosh, so he has the ability to completely dominate offensively in this series. Along with Howard, the rest of Orlando’s frontcourt is very talented as well, so Rashard Lewis and Hedo Turgoglu shouldn't have any issues against the Raptors either. Toronto shouldn’t be taken for granted though. In guards TJ Ford and Jose Calderon, the Raptors have a big advantage over Orlando at this position. If Ford and Calderon can control the tempo in the games, as well as get some good looks for their teammates, Toronto can pull off an upset. Since the Raptors are a very soft team, they live and die by their three pointers and jump shots. When this team gets hot, they can beat any team in the league. However, if Toronto’s shots aren't falling, this will not be a very competitive series. This first round matchup could very well go either way, but Howard and the Magic should edge out Toronto.
My prediction - Orlando in 6

Cleveland Cavaliers (4) vs. Washington Wizards (5) – What does LeBron need to do in Cleveland to get at least one decent player added to his team? If only he had a David West, Carlos Boozer, Paul Gasol... hell, even a Hedo Turgoglu playing alongside him. It's simply amazing that he's averaged nearly eight assists with the supporting cast that he has. Cleveland has not been playing well lately. It's not surprising that James' back is ailing, he's been carrying the team single-handedly all season, and it's finally catching up to him. The only player on the team that can regularly hit a wide open shot has been Daniel Gibson, who's been injured for nearly the entire second Half. As for the Wizards, they finally appear to be healthy, which isn't a good sign for the Cavs. Antwan Jamison has played probably the best season of his career, Caron Butler was an all-star this year, and Gilbert Arenas at 50% is still better than any of the Cavs options. Sorry, LeBron, even though you carried the Cavs into the NBA Finals last year, you're going to need help simply getting out of the first round this year. My prediction - Wizards in 6.

Western Conference:

Lakers vs. Nuggets - This probably won't be a tight series, however it should be exciting to watch. The Nuggets are one of the few times that can nearly match up with Los Angeles in terms of size, but that won't really matter, since Denver doesn't play defense...ever. Look for Kobe, Pau Gasol, Lamar Odom, and potentially even Sasha Vujacic to seriously pad their stats in this series. It's also important to note that the Lakers convincingly beat Denver all three times they played this year, so the Nuggets have yet to prove that they can even be competitive against L.A. Since Denver does have Allen Iverson and Carmelo Anthony, and a great coach, look for a few of the games to be close. The end result of this series should be a sweep though.
My prediction – Lakers in 4

New Orleans Hornets (2) vs. Dallas Mavericks (7) – This series has upset written all over it. The Mavericks have a gigantic advantage in terms of playoff experience, especially in Jason Kidd and Devean George, who have played in the NBA Finals a few times. A second advantage that Dallas has is their reserves. Not only do the Mavs have a great bench, but these guys are all veterans, decent players that have regularly competed in the post season. Eddie Jones, Jason Terry, Juwan Howard and Devean George are all players that can be relied on if there are any injuries or starters in foul trouble. Plus, after their first round upset last year, Dallas is going to want this victory more than their opponent. New Orleans is a great team, they overachieved immensely by locking up the second seed in the west, and have played consistently well all season. The Hornets biggest issue is that they aren’t very deep – besides Chris Paul and David West, they don’t have many other offensive options. Tyson Chandler is a solid rebounder and defender, Peja can hit the open shot, and Bonzi Wells is a decent sixth man, but none of these guys are reliable on a regular basis. Due to depth and experience, along with clutch play by their superstar Dirk Nowitzki, the Mavs will win this matchup.
My prediction - Dallas in 6

San Antonio (3) vs. Phoenix (6) – Congratulations to Phoenix for finally addressing their biggest need. In acquiring Shaquille O’Neal, a big man that can play defense in the paint, the Suns finally have a player that can guard the elite power forwards and centers in the west. This leaves Amare Stoudemire, averaging 28ppg and 10 rebounds since the Shaq trade, free to focus entirely on offense. If this was 2004, Phoenix would be the favorite to win the 2008 NBA Finals. Unfortunately Shaq’s skills have been declining significantly the past few years, and while he may be big enough to defend Tim Duncan, his lack of quickness poses a big liability. As a result, even more so than in the past, Shaq frequently finds himself in foul trouble. This leads to Stoudemire being forced to cover Tim Duncan, and if this is a matchup that occurs for the majority of this series, Duncan will average 40 points per game and the Spurs are going to win convincingly. San Antonio ended the season very strong, even with the injury to Manu Ginobili. One can’t forget that the Spurs are still the reigning NBA Champions as well. At least in the playoffs, they seem to have Phoenix’s number, responsible for ending the Suns’ season in three out of the past four years. The Spurs live for big games - Ginobili is one of the best clutch players in the NBA, Duncan always rises to the occasion in playoff games, and Tony Parker is a great point guard with a ton of postseason experience. As for the Suns, they have improved quite a bit since their loss in the 2007 Playoffs. The team has added Grant Hill, a very talented player, and Gordon Giricek, a shooter that fits very well in their offense. Additionally, Phoenix is far too tough and experienced to be taken lightly because of their low seeding, and Steve Nash isn’t going to go down without a fight. If the Suns are going to beat San Antonio, this year is their best chance, but expect the Spurs to win this series.
My prediction – Spurs in 6

Utah Jazz (4) vs. Houston Rockets (5) – Sorry, T-Mac, but I don’t think this is your year to finally win a playoff matchup. This year, however, it’s not your fault. The Jazz are a very tough matchup for the Rockets. Houston is well known for its focus on defense, but their lack of size will be a big issue against Utah. The Rockets don’t have anyone that can guard Carlos Boozer – Mutombo isn’t quick enough and Luis Scola is giving up 30 pounds to him, so Boozer will be able to punish them both in the paint. Deron Williams is much bigger and far more talented than any of the Rocket’s point guards, so expect him to put up some big numbers as well. In addition, the key to Houston’s defense, Shane Battier, is best against shooting guards and small forwards who play on the perimeter. Utah’s strength is in its point guard and post players, and they don’t have any key guys at either of those positions, so Battier shouldn’t be much of a factor on the defensive end. While the Jazz are very deep, the injury to Yao Ming left the Rockets with no other consistent scoring options besides Tracy McGrady, which is going to pose another problem for Houston. Facing constant double and triple teams, T-Mac won’t have many good looks on offense, so the rest of the team needs to hit their open shots in order for these games to even be close. The Jazz cannot be beaten at home, notching a 37-4 record in Salt Lake City, so don’t expect Houston to win any games there. Since Utah doesn’t play particularly well on the road, this series probably won’t be a sweep, but Utah should dominate fairly easily.
My prediction – Utah in 5

- Scottie

King James for MVP!

2008-04-10T21:09:00.000-07:00

Unlike every other writer and analyst in the universe, I do not have Kobe Bryant as the MVP of the 2007/08 NBA Season. I think his numbers have been great, he’s arguably the most talented player in the league, and he’s led the Lakers to the top of the Western Conference. Instead, I’d give the MVP to LeBron James, who has had a much more impressive season.

First of all, statistics are always a significant factor in the league’s MVP voting. Although their numbers are very similar, LeBron’s are better in every offensive category. James has scored more points per game than Kobe (30.2 to 28.6), he’s gotten more rebounds (7.9 to 6.4) and he’s dished out more assists (7.3 to 5.4). The fact that LeBron has nearly two more assists per game simply amazes me, due to the fact that Kobe has a MUCH superior supporting cast… seriously, it’s not even fair what LeBron is working with.

Speaking of their respective squads, have you noticed who Kobe plays with? I think another deciding aspect in the voting should be how each team would fare without the MVP candidate. The Lakers are a great team this year, especially with their mid-season acquisition of Pau Gasol, who is averaging 19 points and 9 rebounds this year. Although he’s been out a few games due to injury, he’s played great when he’s been healthy, and has typically been the go-to-guy in every season of his seven year career. Without Kobe, Gasol would be expected to carry the scoring load, and it probably wouldn’t be much of an issue. Los Angeles also has Lamar Odom, who consistently puts up solid numbers in every offensive category, and the up-and-coming Andrew Bynum, who was averaging 13ppg and 10rpg before his unfortunate injury. What I’m trying to say is that even without Kobe, the Lakers would be a playoff team. They’d have a pretty impressive starting lineup consisting of Derek Fisher, Sasha Vujacic, Lamar Odom, Pau Gasol, and Andrew Bynum. Would they be at the top of the west? Doubtful, but I guarantee they could still be extremely competitive.

The Cleveland Cavaliers would be a completely different story if they didn’t have LeBron James on their roster, in fact, I’d be amazed if they would finish off this season with a better record than the Miami Heat. They’d have a starting lineup featuring Delonte West, a young, unproven combo-guard that’s mediocre at best (pending Daniel Gibson is still injured); Sasha Pavlovic, a very inconsistent, often-injured shooter; Wally Szczerbiak, a shooter that brings nothing else to the table; Ben Wallace, veteran forward well past his prime, who couldn’t hit water if he fell out of a boat; and Zydrundas Ilgauskas, an ailing center that’s a liability on defense and hasn’t left the ground in ages. Ouch. Not to mention the fact that they have no depth on their bench, including two players recently brought up from the NBADL. Without LeBron, who would be the leader on this team? Who would take the last shot? Would ANYONE be qualified to do so? I don’t think so. It’s safe to say that without King James, the Cavs would be a horrendous team.

Finally, the overall record of each team obviously plays a big part of the voting. Kobe’s Lakers would have the edge in this category; at the moment, the Lakers are 53-25 and LeBron’s Cavs are 42-35, a ten game discrepancy. More impressive is the fact that Los Angeles plays in the uber-competitive west, in probably the tightest conference race the NBA has ever seen, whereas Cleveland is the 4^th seed in a weak eastern conference. However, this still doesn’t change my perspective, favoring LeBron as the MVP. It all relates back to the players that James has surrounding him. Although the Lakers may have more wins, it’s because they have a better team – Kobe isn’t winning any of these games by himself. He doesn’t need to, because on the court with him, he has other players that consistently play great basketball night in and night out. In addition, the Lakers have an outstanding bench they can rely on in Ronny Turiaf, Luke Walton, and Sasha Vujacic. As for Cleveland, the only one they can continue to rely on is LeBron James, who’s led his team in scoring in 64 out of the 71 games he’s played. Big Z scores about 14 a game, and Daniel Gibson contributes almost 11, but other than that, there isn’t anyone else that’s even in double figures.

Yes, Kobe Bryant may arguably be the best player in the NBA right now, but he's not the MVP of the league this season. LeBron James is putting up substantially better numbers, he's single-handedly led his mediocre squad near the top of the conference, and let's face it, without King James, the Cavs would not be preparing for a playoff run... Instead, they'd most likely be lacing up their golf cleats.

- Scottie

Running Diary: Celtics vs. Spurs, 2/10/08

2008-02-11T20:30:00.000-08:00

February 10, 2008

Welcome to “Out in Left Field’s” first running diary. First of all, yes we stole this idea from the great Bill Simmons… If you have a problem with this, please feel free to fuck yourself. Anyways, what’s the special occasion? Celtics vs. Spurs, which, if there is a God, will be a preview of the 2008 NBA Finals. Although this game would be a hell of a lot different if KG and Tony Parker were playing, it should be exciting nonetheless.

One quick note: Lets talk about Damon Stoudamire for a second. He was recently bought out by the Grizzlies, who have like the 3^rd worst record in the NBA, and then signed by the Spurs, the defending champs. The real-world equivalent to this would be if you were working at an extremely shitty job, your boss fired you, but still decided to pay you for the rest of your yearly salary anyways. Then you were instantly hired by a new employer, working for a much more successful company; you’re enjoying yourself a lot more and you’re still getting paid by the old company. Hmmm, David Stern, sounds like a loop hole in the rulebook.

Since today’s game will be on ABC, unfortunately Tommy Heinsohn will not be announcing it. If you’ve never experienced a game commentated (is that a word?) by Heinsohn, you are definitely missing out. He’s the oldest, most senile, most biased announcer in history. If he was on national TV, he would have been fired years ago… In fact, with some of the stuff that he says, I really wouldn’t be surprised if he routinely chugs a bottle of Old Grandad during commercial breaks. During a Rockets game last year, Yao Ming jams his finger, and Tommy yells “Ouch, that was his chopstick finger!.” Recently against the Magic, Hedo Turkoglu hit a couple big shots, and Tommy says ‘I hate that guy… someone should take away his green card!”

Yes! Walton is doing the commentary for this game. “This Celtics team is the greatest defensive team ever!” “Throw it down, Big Baby! Throw it down, one time!”

12:54 – A Brady Quinn commercial… here’s a great marketing strategy, lets hire a 2^nd string QB for the Cleveland Browns to do a commercial for us, that will really sell our product! The 30 seconds he just spent promoting EAS was more time than he had on the field last season.

1:01 – Fuck, Bill Walton is stuck in the studio today, we’re changing the channel now

1:02 – Is there any proof that Tim Duncan has ever had a girlfriend/wife? I don’t think I’ve ever seen any video footage of him besides televised Spurs games. Does he do anything else besides play basketball? It seems as if he never displays any emotion, so maybe he isn’t really even a human being, merely a robot created with the sole purpose of playing basketball. Someone needs to look into this.

1:02 – So the team with the best record in the NBA this year is starting a frontcourt with Leon Powe and Brian Scalabrine. Let’s just put in Scot Pollard for some comic relief, and continuously make jokes referring to them as the ‘Big Three.’

1:04 – Nice jumper by Jesus Shuttlesworth, well done! I wonder if the Celtics lured him to Boston by inviting him into a hotel room that had two beautiful twins who were already naked and willing to sleep with him.

1:05 – Rondo, you can’t shoot, please remember this next time you try to shoot a 20 foot jumper

1:08 – Celts 15 Spurs 11 – Pierce 13 Ginobili 11, these guys are putting on a fucking clinic

1:10 – Jacque Vaughn still plays in the NBA?

1:13 – It seems like ever since Garnett has been injured, the Celtics have forgotten how to play defense. I need to find stats that justify this.

1:15 – Yes, please, let’s rub in the fact that the Celts were one pick away from drafting Tim Duncan in 1997. At least we got Ron Mercer and one year with Chauncey Billups.

1:18 – Van Gundy “Pierce isn’t a ‘rafter numbers’ player yet.” I disagree. The fact that he is 6^th all-time in Celtics history in points scored should be enough alone to qualify him as a ‘rafter numbers’ player. Along with that stat, he also has a 23.3. career scoring average and is a 6 time all star.

1:23 – Nice look, Big Shot Bob… I guess we know why he isn’t called “great pass Bob”

1:25 – Big Baby on Duncan… hmmm, mismatch?

1:26 – Van Gundy – “Davis doesn’t elevate well off the ground” Jeff, he’s 6’8’’ 375 pounds, is it really that astounding that Big Baby can’t jump?

1:28 – End of the first, Spurs 23 Celts 20, 75 missed layups by the Celts

1:28 – Someone from the “Cashmere Mafia” just introduced herself. ABC, I think you’re advertising to the wrong crowd here. For the most part, the main audience that watches NBA basketball is men. Please stop it with the cameos from these new horrible, feminine TV shows. No man will ever sink low enough to watching Cashmere Mafia, Desperate Housewives, or Women’s Murder Club.

1:33 – Please ABC, also stop using this horrifying fucking camera angle. If I wanted to see the game like this, I’d go to it, and sit as far from the court as possible.

1:34 – I wonder if playing for the “no fun team” will hurt Damon Stoudamire’s street cred. Probably not. Besides, he’s too high to notice.

1:37 – These have to be the two oldest teams in the NBA, right? They even play old man style, with sharp passes to nowhere and goofy hook shots.

1:41 – There’s a guy on the Spurs named Chewbacca, do these guys have a translator on the bench? It’s like the fucking UN out there.

1:42 – I just saw Damon Stoudamire trying to smoke the green paint on the floor of the Garden, dude has a problem.

1:49 – I’m not the first to write this, nor will I be the last, but the look on Tim Duncan’s face when they call fouls on him makes me want to slap him, and I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t do anything back, because he seems to be a huge pussy. Plus KG’s got my back.

1:51 – Van Gundy and Mark Jackson just argued about whether or not it’s kosher to have calls go against superstars. These guys will fight to the death by the fourth quarter.

1:52 – Great uplifting story about Leon Powe’s little brother “accidentally burning the house down.” I’m not even gonna comment on that one.

1:53 – Adam: “is there a requirement on the Spurs that you have to have a beard?”

1:55 – Mark Jackson: “Its time for Oberto to take over the game.” Really Mark? Even if he was playing in a Men’s league, I still don’t think Obierto would ever be talented enough to take over a game.

1:56 – Ladies and gentleman, Brian Scalabrine! He just broke out his infamous, much praised spinning falling down jump shot that doesn’t even hit the backboard, much less the rim. Keep it up Scal, they’ll start to fall soon enough.

2:02 – Yup, Van Gundy and Jackson are definitely going to fight.

2:03 – CAMERA ANGLE. FUCK!! This is making me dizzy, the skycam is a TERRIBLE idea for basketball.

2:03 – Halftime. Spurs 41, Celts 43. Paul Pierce has at least 40 of those points. Could you imagine how good he would be if he was in shape?

2:19 – Wow, “A Raisin in the Sun,” starring and produced by Diddy. Wow. I can’t wait. I’m sure it’ll be a very intellectual film.

2:24 – Duncan is graceless. There, I said it. He makes everything look more difficult.

2:26 – Another priceless Adam quote: “looks like Scalabrine has Heismophobia, the fear of being rejected.” Quality.

2:27 – What?! Ginobili reminds Mark Jackson of Earl Campbell and Jerome Bettis?? He reminds Van Gundy of Wyatt Earp?! Where do they find these guys. What is the requirement to be a color commentator? A voice box?

2:28 – Scalabrine with the running hook shot. That’s the 15^th time this game they’ve said that he is a “crowd favorite.” Kinda like the way the crowd cheered for Cuba Gooding Jr. in “Radio.”

2:37 – AIRBALLLLL Scalabrine!!!!! I want to start going to games and just writing about him and him alone.

2:47 – They just explained the beard thing. The Spurs are forcing team unity. Making their guys grow beards. Players I now want to be on the Spurs: Adam Morrison, Steve Nash, Rajon Rondo, Scot Pollard, and JJ Reddick.

3:02 – I really like how the Spurs play basketball. They get the ball to Duncan, if he’s double teamed, he passes out to one of his teammates for a wide open jumper. This team does not miss jumpers. If he isn’t double teamed, he looks to score and he’s pretty good at that. Flawless.

3:07 – Still no Scott Pollard, what the fuck! I guess they don’t want to put the game away just yet.

3:09 – Van Gundy: “Great defense by Glen Davis – he’s got his hands on a lot if balls.” Wow, just wow.

3:10 – Davis really is surprising me with his defense today, he’s guarding Duncan like he’s a bucket of fried chicken

3:20 – Big rebound, big shot, big baby

3:22 – Pierce with 35 points so far today, great game

3:30 – Ray Allen with two big free throws… Celts up by 5 with 30 seconds left

3:33 – Ginobili tries a running one handed shotput 3 pointer, uglier than Duncan’s face, and misses horribly

3:38 – Celtics win 98-90

(Epilogue: Yes, I think we stopped writing midway through the 3^rd quarter)

- Scottie & Dave

Juice Juice and KG

2008-01-16T17:55:00.000-08:00

OJ

OK, hands up children, how many of you didn’t see this coming? This guy has been in and out of court ever since he didn’t kill his wife and her lover at his house with his knife and his glove and he went out for a drive with AC Green in his white Ford Bronco just for fun and AC was scared shitless and Juice wouldn’t pull over for cops because he absolutely didn’t kill anyone.
Yeah uh huh.
Did you hear the tape from this casino business? High comedy. To quote my main man Bill Simmons, OJ was having the ultimate “I’m Keith Hernandez” moment. The whole time he’s pulling the “do you know who you’re f#%king with” routine, I keep picturing that cartoon going “I’m the Juggernaut bitch!”
This guy has lost his mind, put him in jail. Now. Before he actually hurts someone.
Oh wait…

1/16/08
Part 2 of my extended rant on the news, I’ll be focusing on the sports section.
This time I’m in the air from Columbia, SC to Reno, NV, by way of Houston (H Town holla), on to my 6th state in 8 days. The country is slowly turning into a blur of airports and Hampton Inns, each place slightly discernable from the last merely by the food.
So without further ado…

The Mitchell Report

Does anyone care? Seriously. Lets really talk about this for a second. I mean the impact on the kids who idolize these meatheads is a tragic byproduct of an ugly chapter in the greatest game in the world. But other than that (I know it’s a leap of faith to ignore that glaring fact, but bare with me for a second), steroids saved baseball.
Yes you read that correctly, but I’ll repeat it for anyone who didn’t clean their ears this morning.
Steroids saved baseball.
Think back with me to 1998 (the year that saved The Game, in my humble opinion). Baseball was still reeling from the strike of 1994. Ticket sales were down. An expansion team had just won the World Series and promptly vacated its best players to the highest bidder (the first great MLB Fire Sale, a tactic the Marlins would employ again before 5 years were over). Fans were pissed, myself included. Then as the summer began two of the most famous roid raged lunatics in the history of the game embarked on a legendary pursuit of Roger Maris’s untouchable record. All of a sudden the seats were packed, ratings were up, and baseball was back on the front pages. And you are trying to tell me one minute of that great home run chase would have happened if McGwire and Sosa hadn’t been juicing? Puh-leaze.
Ever since then ratings are up, fans are packing the seats (every year since then has shattered the previous years attendance record, look it up), and TV ratings are at an all time high. You are trying to tell me steroids are ruining the game? Everyone knows the players are juiced up. Nobody gives a rats ass.
Congress should back off and let the players play the game. I don’t know what makes them think that they can solve the problem, they screw up everything else they touch.

NBA

On another, far more pleasant note, has anyone noticed that the NBA is back? Like really back, for the first time since the early 90s and the days of the Jordan dynasty. Its fantastic now. This is the best season I’ve seen since I was a tween (apparently that’s a term now, referring to the time between childhood and teenage years. I’m trying it out) and John Starks and Michael Jordan were showing each other up every year in the Eastern Conference Finals. I give credit to two places.
1) the Boston Celtics. The most storied franchise in the game picked up the most intense player in the nation in the off season, and Kevin Garnett has brought basketball back to the Garden. Real basketball. Last season I could walk up to the Garden and buy a ticket game day for like 10 bucks and a promise not to boo too loudly. I watched the Bulls DEMOLISH the C’s last season, and no one in the building gave a rats ass. This year, tickets are impossible to come by, and if KG hears you booing he will enter the stands and go Ron Artest on your ass. I’m positive that he has super human hearing, I won’t even boo him from my apartment 3 blocks away from the arena, I’m afraid I’ll wake up to him glaring at me in the middle of the night. I’m dead serious he frightens me. But in an awesome way.
2) Lebron James. When was the last time that any player, in any sport, received the amount of hype the King did and actually SURPASSED it? Ever. I defy you to find me one instance of it. You can’t. He is the most talented player in the league, actually plays like he gives a shit this year, and is just shitting on the competition. This kid is legit, and I have baseball cards older than he is, THAT I BOUGHT WITH MY OWN MONEY. His potential is unprecedented. I just hope he stays in Cleveland. That city deserves a break.
I can’t wait for the playoffs to start in April and be over in August. Seriously, it’s the longest playoffs ever. The only thing about the NBA they need to fix. Oh and Scot Pollard needs more air time. He’s hilarious.

-DV

PLAYOFFS?

2008-01-16T17:36:00.000-08:00

woo hoo conference championship games!!

I’m sure Scottie will want to type up his own predictions also, but these are mine. And they are right, because I am awesome. Oh and also these are totally unbiased. Just the facts people, just the facts.

NFC
The Giants and the Packers
Wow how disappointed do you think the NFL was when Gladys Manning and the Pips knocked off the Crying TOs? Like “daughter dating a felon” disappointed? Or “son dropped out of college to grow weed” disappointed? Think about it. America’s team versus the second coming of Jesus. It would have been faaaantastic. The media orgy would have been ridiculous, only topped if Jessica Simpson left Romo for Favre (seriously, that’s not fair, he’s my quarterback).
But it didn’t happen. Eli proved once and for all that he is a far superior QB than his brother (more on that later) and defeated the Cowboys 78-64 (no idea what the score was, didn’t watch it don’t care, and I’m on a plane dammit).
Which brings us to Sunday. I think the Packers run away with this one. It takes a certain kind of crazy to win a game in Lambeau in January. Its something like -77 degrees there, and Manning does not have NEARLY enough facial scruff to keep himself warm. He would have had to start growing it in the 5th grade in order to compete with Favre’s 5 o’clock shadow.
Honestly I don’t give a crap about this game.
Green Bay 27, New York 17
Ryan Grant show strikes again.

AFC
The Greatest Team to Ever Put On Jockstraps and the Chargers
Now this is a game I care about. My Chargers don’t often get to actually win playoff games, so last Sunday was great. I’ve been jonesing for this rematch since last year. I don’t think the game earlier in the season counts, for two reasons. A) totally different teams suiting up this time and B) I don’t want it to.
I really think the Chargers have a chance in this game. This is BY FAR the best defense the Pats have played this year (at least the way they’ve been playing the last 9 weeks). The Flying Shaun’s (one’s technically a Shawne, but who’s counting) have been turned loose, and are expected to insert themselves in to Tom Brady’s nether regions with the opening snap. The Chargers’ secondary is also completely different. Keep in mind that Antonio Cromartie wasn’t even a starter when they played earlier in the season.
Tomlinson’s injury would be problematic if the Chargers weren’t in possession of the the best backup in the game. Expect Michael Turner to continue his bruising style of run, and Philip Rivers (if he plays, if not Volek can do this too) to exploit the extremely suspect linebacking corps of the Pats. These guys are a combined 2193847293 years old, and will be completely incapable of covering the Chargers in the flats. Darren Sproles could go apeshit again. Expect Gates to be far more effective as his toe heals and he exploits the Patriots inability to cover him.
I predict a shocker.
San Diego 31, New England 28
The Chargers will silence the critics and head to the Super Bowl for the first time since 94, and the Pats will cry their way home. At least it won’t be a long drive.

~DV