PLAYOFFS?

woo hoo conference championship games!!


I’m sure Scottie will want to type up his own predictions also, but these are mine. And they are right, because I am awesome. Oh and also these are totally unbiased. Just the facts people, just the facts.

NFC
The Giants and the Packers
Wow how disappointed do you think the NFL was when Gladys Manning and the Pips knocked off the Crying TOs? Like “daughter dating a felon” disappointed? Or “son dropped out of college to grow weed” disappointed? Think about it. America’s team versus the second coming of Jesus. It would have been faaaantastic. The media orgy would have been ridiculous, only topped if Jessica Simpson left Romo for Favre (seriously, that’s not fair, he’s my quarterback).
But it didn’t happen. Eli proved once and for all that he is a far superior QB than his brother (more on that later) and defeated the Cowboys 78-64 (no idea what the score was, didn’t watch it don’t care, and I’m on a plane dammit).
Which brings us to Sunday. I think the Packers run away with this one. It takes a certain kind of crazy to win a game in Lambeau in January. Its something like -77 degrees there, and Manning does not have NEARLY enough facial scruff to keep himself warm. He would have had to start growing it in the 5th grade in order to compete with Favre’s 5 o’clock shadow.
Honestly I don’t give a crap about this game.
Green Bay 27, New York 17
Ryan Grant show strikes again.

AFC
The Greatest Team to Ever Put On Jockstraps and the Chargers
Now this is a game I care about. My Chargers don’t often get to actually win playoff games, so last Sunday was great. I’ve been jonesing for this rematch since last year. I don’t think the game earlier in the season counts, for two reasons. A) totally different teams suiting up this time and B) I don’t want it to.
I really think the Chargers have a chance in this game. This is BY FAR the best defense the Pats have played this year (at least the way they’ve been playing the last 9 weeks). The Flying Shaun’s (one’s technically a Shawne, but who’s counting) have been turned loose, and are expected to insert themselves in to Tom Brady’s nether regions with the opening snap. The Chargers’ secondary is also completely different. Keep in mind that Antonio Cromartie wasn’t even a starter when they played earlier in the season.
Tomlinson’s injury would be problematic if the Chargers weren’t in possession of the the best backup in the game. Expect Michael Turner to continue his bruising style of run, and Philip Rivers (if he plays, if not Volek can do this too) to exploit the extremely suspect linebacking corps of the Pats. These guys are a combined 2193847293 years old, and will be completely incapable of covering the Chargers in the flats. Darren Sproles could go apeshit again. Expect Gates to be far more effective as his toe heals and he exploits the Patriots inability to cover him.
I predict a shocker.
San Diego 31, New England 28
The Chargers will silence the critics and head to the Super Bowl for the first time since 94, and the Pats will cry their way home. At least it won’t be a long drive.

~DV