Danny Ainge: Please Put Down the Bottle of Scotch

As a Celtics fan, I’m a bit nervous about next season. After reviewing a few of Danny Ainge’s recent transactions, along with some new additions he’s considering, I’ve decided that one of two things is occurring:
1. Ainge has recently hired Isiah Thomas as his financial advisor
2. He’s currently on a three-week bender, spending his days drinking scotch with Tommy Heinsohn and watching game tape from the late 90’s. Due to this massive state of intoxication, he’s brainstorming thoughts like “Darius Miles played great in his cameo in “Van Wilder,” signing him would be an awesome idea” and “Corey Maggette averaged 22 points a game last season, we could have the big 4!”

If Ainge has been on an alcoholic binge, he has a good reason for it – in a single year, he completely transformed the Celtics from a perennial cellar dweller into NBA Champions. Entirely due to his successfully orchestrated offseason moves, the Celtics raised their 17^th world championship banner. The city of Boston will now love him forever.

But seriously, Danny, what the fuck are you trying to do to this team????

One of the key reasons the Celtics were so great is that they had chemistry last year. These guys all enjoyed being around each other. It was apparent from the beginning, during their preseason trip to Rome, and even more obvious while they were celebrating their victory in game 6 of the NBA finals.

KG, Paul Pierce, and Ray Allen all put aside their own individual accolades and made sacrifices for the team, so that the Celtics would be more successful as a unit. James Posey came off the bench as a lock-down defender that consistently hit clutch shots, P.J. Brown played big minutes when KG or Perk were in foul trouble, Eddie House, Rajon Rondo’s backup, provided instant offense when he was used, and Leon Powe contributed with some much-needed rebounding and scoring. Each player had his own specific role – there wasn’t one man that stood above the rest.

Now it appears that Ainge is trying to ruin this chemistry. He recently drafted J.R. Giddens, and has brought in numerous players for workouts, two of which include (gulp) Corey Maggette and Darius Miles.

J.R. Giddens – Giddens had a remarkable senior year with New Mexico, leading the MWC in rebounding from the guard spot and was fourth in scoring. At the 30^th selection in the NBA draft, Boston couldn’t have picked up a player with more talent and potential. However, J.R. has had a very troubled past, which includes involvement in a plot to steal from wal-mart, he was charged in connection with a bar fight in Kansas (also being stabbed in the leg in the process), and was also suspended at New Mexico for an attitude problem. These incidents were all a few years apart, so it’s clear that Giddens does not learn from his mistakes. Does he really deserve a fourth chance?

Corey Maggette – Where does he fit in with this team? Not only has Maggette always been a me-first player that only looks for his own shots, but signing him eliminates the cap space required to sign James Posey. The Celtics would not have won their recent title without Posey. Joe Johnson would have scored 40 a game in the first round if Ray Allen was forced to cover him (look what happened at the end of game 4, Johnson was scoring at will) and Paul Pierce would not have been an offensive factor if he was exerting all of his energy guarding LeBron and Kobe for 40+ minutes a game. Pierce is a great defender, but he’s no James Posey. Corey Maggette would be cancerous to this team – he brings nothing to the table except his scoring ability, which is very inconsistent anyway, and he also doesn’t seem like the type of player that would embrace a reserve role.

Darius Miles – No, this isn’t a joke, the Celtics really did bring in Darius Miles for a workout. Since I’m sure you’d like to know, here’s what Miles has been doing recently: in the past three months, he has been suspended for 10 games for violating the NBA’s substance abuse policy, and was also told by doctors that he has knee damage serious enough to be career-ending. He hasn’t played in a regular season game since 2005, and to top it all off, he’s also historically been a locker room cancer. These are all well-known facts, yet Ainge still decides it would be a good idea to take a look at Miles. The one positive aspect of signing Darius would be that Scot Pollard would finally have someone that he could cheech his apartment with.

After the news of these workouts leaked, I’m sure Ainge’s voicemail is now filled with messages from the agents of Vin Baker, Lattrell Spreewell, Shawn Kemp, and Dennis Rodman.

Hopefully he isn’t still drunk when he answers the phone…

- Scottie