Silly Sports Related Pic of the Week

Michael Barrett practices his new strategy of posing like an idiot for 3 seconds before attempting to throw out runners stealing second, while his zoo-keeper watches on cautiously.

Most coaches agree that this move is completely f_cking retarded, and question whether he ever healed from his concussion.

"We need to keep him strapped down," said trainer Bob McBoberson, "or else he'll start swinging and missing at everything in sight."

Oh how the mighty have fallen...

2008 Mock NBA Draft - Picks #1-10

I’ve spent the majority of the morning glued to ESPN, and as a result, have watched roughly 14 hours of coverage on the 2008 NBA Draft. I’ve heard the words “upside,” “intangibles,” and “project” about 1700 times. My eyes are now bleeding.

In other words, I should probably start actively pursuing a job.

I do feel like I have a very thorough understanding of how this year’s NBA Draft will shape up, leading me to believe that I can now complete Well Below the Mendoza Line’s first annual mock draft! I’m limiting myself to the top 10 picks – by the time I’m finished, there will inevitably be a few trades that screw everything up, thus my mock draft will be deemed completely irrelevant.

Warning: These opinions and perspectives may or may not be mine – I’ve been exposed to so many of Chad Ford’s thoughts today that my predictions could come out exactly the same as his. I can’t make any promises…

1. Chicago Bulls – Derrick Rose, Memphis, PG. The Bulls have a tough decision here – do they choose an elite point guard that has been compared to Chris Paul and Deron Williams, or a power forward, with a ton of scoring potential, who’s heralded at the next Derrick Coleman? To me, it’s a no-brainer. Rose is originally from Chicago, and has publicly stated that he wants to play there. He’s very unselfish, plays defense, and will be a successful point guard in the NBA barring injury. While Chicago may already have an established point guard in Kirk Hinrich, would the Bulls even be considering Rose if management felt that Hinrich is their future at that position? Hinrich’s numbers were down in nearly every category last season, and his name is constantly involved in trade rumors, so it appears that Chicago is looking to move forward without him. Rose is the safest choice here, and should be the top pick overall.

2. Miami Heat – Michael Beasley. While I’m not sold on Pat Riley’s interest in Beasley, it seems like the only logical move here. The NCAA’s top freshman in 2007 has undoubtedly proven he can score. He dominated the post in college, even though he was constantly facing double teams, and he can shoot the ball exceptionally well for his size. Beasley’s defense is questionable, but come on, we’re talking about the NBA here – No one plays defense anyway! Critics also bashed Kevin Durant before last year’s draft for his lack of defensive ability, but unlike Durant, Beasely at least has the build to guard NBA players. Plus, Shawn Marion’s presence should compensate for Michael’s potential flaws on the defensive end. Miami can’t afford to pass on a player as talented as Beasley, so when it’s all said and done, he will be chosen by the Heat.

3. Minnesota Timberwolves – O.J. Mayo. I like this selection here for Minnesota. Mayo is a HUGE upgrade over their current starting shooting guard, Marko Jaric, and will add some much-needed defense to Timberwolves’ lineup as well. He also shouldn’t be forced to play out of position at point guard, since Randy Foye is the team’s self-proclaimed future floor general. Mayo is a great shooter, and should also be able to take some of the pressure off Al Jefferson, who is the only Minnesota player that can consistently score. Mayo should be able to contribute immediately for the Timberwolves.

4. Seattle Supersonics – Jerryd Bayless. Currently running the offense for Seattle is none other than Earl Watson! Although Bayless may be projected as a shoot-first point guard, he’s a much better option than Watson, and the Sonics do need another scorer to complement Kevin Durant. Adding Bayless to the team would give Seattle a solid backcourt for years. Unfortunately the Sonics can’t possibly screw up this draft as bad as they usually do; after John Riek withdrew, there aren’t any foreign, overrated, 7-foot projects available anymore. However, they still do need a center – expect Hasheem Thabeet to be damaging the Key Arena backboards with his errant shots during the 2009/2010 season.

5. Memphis Grizzlies – Brook Lopez. Let’s face it, Darko Milicic has used up all of his chances in the NBA. He’s terrible and should move back to Europe where the leagues are much less competitive. That being said, Memphis desperately needs help in the front court. Deciding whether to start Milicic or Kwame Brown is like choosing between a 1988 Ford Taurus and a 1988 Mercury Sable – both vehicles are basically identical, and equally as shitty, so either way you’re driving a very unreliable car. The Grizzlies have shown interest in Kevin Love, but I can see him being a bust in the NBA. Love is small for his position, and doesn’t have the athletic ability to make up for the size that he lacks. He’s not going to be a competitive as a power forward, especially in the western conference. Brook Lopez is tall enough to be a center, he’s athletic, and can use a wide array of moves to score in the post. Through his success at Stanford, he proved he could play in one of the toughest conferences in the NCAA.

6. New York Knicks – Russell Westbrook. Rumor has it that Mike D’Antoni doesn’t like Danilo Gallinari, so it doesn’t look like Gallinari will be chosen with this selection. Derrick Rose would obviously be an ideal fit for D’Antoni’s system, so if I were the Knicks’ front office, I’d be shipping gallons and gallons of alcohol to Chicago, hoping Bulls GM John Paxson will get so intoxicated that he offers his number one pick to New York in exchange for Stephon Marbury and Zach Randolph. Since that scenario is highly unlikely to happen, the Knicks should select Russell Westbrook here. He’s extremely talented, plays great defensively, and unlike everyone else that’s currently on the roster, Westbrook has the ability to run the offense. By drafting Westbrook, New York will actually have… wait for it… a point guard!

7. Los Angeles Clippers – Eric Gordon. The Clippers would love it if Eric Gordon falls this far in the draft. He is the shooting guard that they have coveted all along, since Corey Maggette is likely to opt out of his contract. He’s also the best player available here. Gordon can shoot extremely well, but that’s not all he brings to the table – he’s also fast, a great finisher, and has the potential to be an excellent scorer in the NBA for many years.

8. Milwaukee Bucks – Kevin Love. Due to Bobby Simmons’ inexplicably forgetting how to play basketball after he left the Clippers, Milwaukee needs to add a small forward to the roster. However, if Kevin Love is still available, the Bucks should choose him with this selection. Love can allow Charlie Villanueva to play the 3, where he is more comfortable, and should be able to contribute next season – Kevin is smart, he can rebound, and he’ll immediately be one of the best passing big men in the league. Plus, Milwaukee can add another white starter to the roster, so Andrew Bogut doesn’t need to high-five himself each time he attempts a free throw.

9. Charlotte Bobcats – Kosta Koufos. I’m going out on a limb on this pick, since none of the draft analysts are predicting Koufos to be selected this high. If I’m right, there’s a good chance I’ll replace Chad Ford as ESPN’s basketball version of Mel Kiper. Charlotte needs size. Emeka Okafor is relatively small for the center position, and it would probably benefit both him and the Bobcats if he slid over to the power forward. Taking Koufos here, a 7-footer who performed exceptional in his pre-draft workouts, would allow Okafor to play the 4 on a daily basis. Kosta is very skilled in the post, which would complement Emeka’s weak offensive game. In a completely unrelated note, if there was a basketball god, Koufos would be selected by Seattle. This would allow him to be teamed up with Robert Swift, also an ugly, white, 7 foot center with a face full of acne, resulting in a Sonics practice filled with unintentional comedy.

10. New Jersey Nets – Danilo Gallinari. We’re over 1,300 words, are you still reading yet? If Gallinari is still available at this pick, the Nets will take him here. He’s expressed interest in playing in New Jersey (so he’s obviously never been there) and would fit in well with the team. Gallinari is supposedly the total package – he can shoot, he can pass, and he’s a slasher. Sure, he could always be yet another European bust, but experts don’t think it’s likely since he’s put up good numbers in one of the most competitive leagues overseas. I did find it interesting that Gallinari is being compared to Toni Kukoc. Does that mean his ceiling is a role player that averaged a mere 11 points per game over an injury-plagued career? Is that supposed to be considered a positive compliment?

My predictions are complete and there haven't been any big trades yet - I consider that a victory!

- Scottie

Last Chance to Vote for Carrie

(Thanks to the guys at Gaslampball.com for pointing this out...)

Our own Carrie from the Pad Squad is in the final round of voting to become a Deal or No Deal model. If she wins, she will leave us. So please don't vote for her.

Just kidding, get your ass online and vote for this tower of hotness as many times as you can (I believe 10 times to be exact).

Link here...

or you can vote by texting "C" to 59595

DO IT!

Wait, Someone Said That? Seriously?: Youk

Terry Francona, when asked his opinion on Kevin Youkilis being referred to as the "Greek God of Walks:"

"I've seen him in the shower, and he isn't the Greek god of anything"

Tito, not only is that a bit too much information, it's also false... maybe he's the Greek god of small penises?

A Comeback of Epic Proportions

It’s been nearly three days, and I’m still in shock over Thursday’s NBA Finals matchup between the Celtics and Lakers. Down by 24 points against an extremely talented Los Angeles team, the Celtics pulled off a comeback of epic proportions, on the road nonetheless.

It’s been a very ironic past couple weeks for me. I’ve lived on the east coast throughout my entire life, but on June 3rd I relocated west to San Diego. The Celtics have always been my favorite NBA team, but it appears that I chose the absolute worst time to exit the Boston area. When I booked my flight in April, I had no idea that I’d be leaving during the franchise’s quest for their 17th championship ring.

Further complicating matters, I’m now only a few hours away from the enemy.

Since I reside in Southern California, I’m lucky enough to spend the majority of the 2008 NBA Finals surrounded by douche bag Laker fans. It’s widely assumed in this city that no one that lives here is originally from San Diego, but we’re still close enough to Los Angeles that there are a high abundance of people that root for the Lakers. Plus, with the recent success of Boston sports, the amount of people that resent these teams is increasing substantially.

I watched the game at “PB Bar and Grill” in Pacific Beach, a coastal neighborhood of San Diego. Surprisingly, there are a few bars in the area known to favor Boston teams. PB Bar and Grill was not one of them.

Anyways, here are a few of my thoughts:

The first half of this game was a terrible experience. Boston was getting killed and the Laker fans surely assured that me and the other five or six Celtics fans at the bar knew it. I was forced to witness cheers whenever Los Angeles made an exciting play, along with laughing and high-fives after every Boston turnover. I also received numerous text messages from my friend Tyler, a die-hard Lakers fan. Of course I had the last laugh, but this was all very annoying at the time.

I’m not sure whether Boston organized an amazing rally or the Lakers just historically collapsed. It was probably a combination of both. Regardless, it reminded me of a matchup in the Madden video game series. I’ll have an enormous lead after the first two quarters and everything will be going in my favor. My offense can’t be stopped, the opposing team can’t gain a yard against my defense, and I’m padding my stats in the turnover department. All of a sudden, the second half commences, and I can’t score a point. Computer bullshit completely takes over the game – Joey Harrington is 16-17, 250 yards and four touchdowns, and I can’t tackle to save my life. Garbage cornerbacks are picking off my QB left and right, and every time one of my players is wrapped up, he chucks the ball in the air like he’s holding onto a grenade. Usually my team still manages to win, but it's much too close for comfort.

Game 4 of the 2008 NBA Finals closely resembled my "Madden" experience not only because the rally was improbable, but also due to the fact that it wasn't simply Boston's stars that stepped it up. The role players also played a significant role in leading the charge. Just like I didn't anticipate Von Hutchins intercepting my QB three times, no one expected Eddie House to play 25 minutes and score 11 points. James Posey is primarily known for his defense, but he scored 18 points points in this game!

While the reserves were very productive, they only played significant minutes because of injuries to the starters. Therefore, as bad as it sounds, I think that injuries have benefitted the Celtics in this series. The Pierce injury in the first game shifted the momentum in Boston’s favor, and after that point, they never looked back. During their come-from-behind win in game 4, Rondo hurt his ankle and Perkins injured his shoulder. With Perk out, the Celtics were forced to play small, using KG at center and James Posey at power forward. Since Pau Gasol hasn’t established himself in the post yet in the series, and Lamar Odom usually plays out on the wing, this is a lineup that Boston can successfully utilize. It worked out great defensively and was a key factor in trimming the Los Angeles lead.

In addition, with Rondo favoring his ankle, Eddie House played a ton of minutes. Adding House to the lineup allowed the Celtics offense to flourish. Generally speaking, Rajon Rondo frequently damages backboards with his jumpshot. His jumper is awful – rather than falling in the basket, it’s much more likely to injure someone on the court. Knowing that Rondo’s shooting is suspect, Kobe Bryant, who is usually the lucky player assigned to Rajon, can play six feet off him and constantly double team whoever else has the ball.

Outside shooting is really the only skill Eddie House brings to the table, so when he is in the game, the Lakers can’t afford to leave him open. Even when House is cold, he’s still more of an offensive threat than Rondo. Too bad Doc Rivers didn’t figure this out earlier in the playoffs.

At the end of the game, I was almost positive that the Celtics were going to lose a heartbreaker. Completing this rally can’t be possible – If successfully executed, it would be the biggest comeback in NBA finals history. Even after Boston finally tied the game, I assumed that overcoming the lead had taken everything out of them, and the team would be running on fumes for the remainder of the 4th quarter. Kobe would inevitably hit some clutch shots and the Los Angeles crowd would carry the Lakers to victory.

Fortunately I was wrong.

Although both teams in this series blew seemingly insurmountable 20+ point leads at home, the Celtics were able to pull off the upset at the Staples Center, while Los Angeles came up just short in Boston. The reason the Celtics never completely collapsed is because their fans wouldn’t let them. The crowd at the Garden in game 2 never sat down and didn’t stop cheering, even when it appeared that their team could easily lose a contest that shouldn’t have been within reach in the first place. The fans kept the momentum in Boston’s favor and never lost faith. As a result, instead of flying across the country with the series tied 1-1, the Celtics retained home court advantage and were two wins away from their 17th NBA championship.

- Scottie

Wait, Someone Really Said That? Seriously?

Roger Clemens, on the recent allegations that he used yet another 'performance enhancing' drug: Viagra

"Forget about my 354 wins, 4,672 career strikeouts, and .658 winning percentage, the greatest accomplishment of my lengthy major league baseball tenure has been my ability to regularly pitch seven innings a game while concealing a massive erection."

Okay, you caught me, Clemens never actually said the above quote. But seriously... can life get any worse for him? Roger has been accused of using 26,129 types of steroids, lied about it under oath, and now he faces perjury charges, which will probably lead to prison time. Oh, and he also cheated on his wife with a 16 year old girl, and recently we find out that he can't even get a boner anymore.

Should you feel bad for him? Of course not. He is a giant bag of douche and deserves all of this negative publicity.

- Scottie

Sunday Funday!

Sunday, June 8th, 2008. Otherwise known among the Mendoza Line staff as "Sunday Funday." An alignment of the stars allowed us to witness something truly rare, considering the sorry sacks that we root for on a regular basis. All of our teams won. All of them. Every single team we care about in the tiniest amount. What can best be described as a complete statistical anomaly resulted in one of my more satisfied moments of fandom in my life. The only blemish on the day was that the Yankees won.

Let me elaborate, with the big three (in my horrifically biased opinion) taking precedence.

CROATIA 1 - AUSTRIA 0

I know what you're thinking. "Croatia is clearly not Padres related, is this a typo? Did I accidentally go to some crazy soccer blog? I WANT PADRES AND CELTICS NEWS!!!"

But as some of you may know, I am a Croatian-American, and therefore I must root for my countrymen whenever they are playing. And since I woke up to ESPN2 (and got a convenient text message from a soccer watching friend) I decided to watch.

Croatia was horribly outplayed for 86 minutes but still won, although being tremendously outmatched by the host country. Sounds like a Padres game, only with winning. Cheers to that.

PADRES 8 - MUTTS 6

So this was the greatest damn game ever. First of all, we got redonkulous seats via our good friends at stubhub.com (the pic is the view from our wonderfully priced 33 dollar seats, 16 rows from the field. Boo ya.)
I had a feeling the bats would wake up for this game, being that it was a day game and the Padres had managed to eke out four consecutive 2-1 victories. One out of every five games, the Padres are legally allowed to score more than five runs. Then they quiet down for a week, then score again. Its a tried and true Padre method of suckitude, and we do it well. Luckily our good pitching timed perfectly with our hitting, and we managed to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat with a dramatic 8th inning HR by octogenarian Tony Clark. Follow that up with some old fashioned Trevor Time and I can say with confidence that this was the most entertaining game I've attended all year.

CELTICS 108 - LAKERS 102

Dear Jebus I hate the Lakers. Always have. As far as NBA teams go, I tend to just follow my UConn guys around the league, and I'll pull for the Bulls, but I'm generally neutral. Scottie, on the other hand, is a Celtics lunatic. That made this game particularly entertaining.

The C's jumped out to an absolutely insurmountable lead in the 4th, followed by what was nearly the most terrifying loss in basketball history. They simply stopped playing. There's no other way to explain it.

Have you ever been playing a pickup game against inferior opponents? The kind of game where you get up 13-2, then start relaxing and looking for exciting plays to have some fun. Then some random scrub on the other team closes his eyes and starts banging three's like he's the 5 foot 2 asian cousin of Ray Allan (this actually happened to Scottie and I in a pickup game last night. Bad times.) Before you know it the score is 13-11 and you actually have to start playing again? That's what happened to the C's, only instead of tiny generic asian dude, it was Kobe Bryant. If it hadn't been for Sasha Vujacic (Serb, so I don't care for him) thinking he should shoot a contested three at the end of the game, they might have actually come back. They shrank a 24 point lead with 7:30 left to freakin 2 POINTS!!!! with :36 left. Stupid.

OTHER VICTORIES
- Red Sox 2, Mariners 1: Shout out for Scottie and his crazy Boston people. Hey it's better than the Yankees.
-Pittsburgh 6, Arizona 4: YAAAAAARRRRRGH go Pirates! I love watching AZ's lead on the NL West shrink and allowing my previous prediction to come closer to fruition. Call me Carnac baby!
-Sunlight 100, Scottie's face 0: When attending Padres day games, one must wear sunscreen or a hat. Scottie ignored this rule, and now looks like the Kool Aid guy.

Mets vs. Padres: An Unbiased Perspective

This just in: Well Below the Mendoza Line will now post a non-biased article on the Padres!

Yes, this is Scottie Thompson, a life-long Red Sox fan’s perspective on his first visit to Petco park. (Sorry to go all ‘Rickey Henderson’ on you guys by speaking in the third person)

As a Red Sox follower, I feel like our wins are typically taken for granted. When the Sox are victorious in a regular season game, it doesn’t really matter that much to me– we’ve won so many games over the past few years, including two championships in the last four years, that a single victory isn’t really that big of a deal.

However, to a Padres fan, a team that’s basically been in the cellar all season, every win is enormous. After a seemingly uneventful win against the Mets the other night, Dave’s dad called his cell phone and they began to rejoice, as if San Diego had just sealed the NL pennant. Dave and his friends were all giddy when they were discussing the game.

Rooting for the Padres is like constantly cheering for the underdog, and it seems like its kinda fun. There’s no pressure at all for San Diego – If they lose, it’s expected, but if they win, it’s exciting.

A few things I noticed during the game:

1. Petco park is a beautiful stadium. Fairly large (it seats around 45,000), conveniently located, and overall a very fan-friendly atmosphere. We spent $35 on tickets and were nearly on ground level, directly across from the first base line.

2. There were a ton of Mets fans in the stands, in fact, we were completely surrounded by them. The two women in front of us were covered in New York apparel, and through their constant screaming, they made sure that they were always heard by everyone around them. At Fenway, these two would have been murdered by the second inning. They didn’t even appear out of place at Petco park.

3. San Diego fans have a very interesting method of heckling. Not only do they harass the opposing team, but in the process, they also heckle their Padres. For example, one man yelled “Hey Pedro [Martinez], you suck… you can’t even strike out Khalil Green, who is batting .210 and couldn’t even hit a beach ball!” The fans were critical of their own players, particularly the pitching staff. The starting pitcher was often yelled at for his reluctance to throw strikes and repeatedly allowing base runners to steal. There were numerous jabs directed at the usually unproductive San Diego offense as well.

4. I’m not a Padres fan, but I still found myself cheering along with them throughout the game. As I mentioned earlier, it’s like rooting for the underdog. On a few occasions, there were deep fly balls hit by San Diego players. The entire crowd stood up, completely silent as the ball traveled its course, waiting to erupt if it cleared the stands. Ultimately that didn’t happen, and the ball was caught. Everyone sat down, discouraged, even though they never expected a homerun anyway. Regardless, you could feel the disappointment spreading across the park.

5. When Trevor Hoffman comes in, the place goes absolutely nuts. “Hells Bells” plays, preparing the crowd for his entry, and everyone stands up and directs their attention to the bullpen. Hoffman emerges and the entire stadium immediately starts screaming and cheering. It’s amazing how much his presence fires up the crowd. The Padres fans are typically very pessimistic, except when he comes in… they know the game is over.

Overall, I had a great time today. The game appeared to be over in the 8th inning, the Mets up 6-4 with Billy Wagner entering the game, who’s been nearly unhittable so far this season. Plus, a 2 run lead against the Padres is usually insurmountable, since they only score a few times a week.

Tony Clark steps up to the plate with a 3-2 count, two outs and two runners on. The entire stadium is on their feet, hoping for a miracle. Suddenly Clark hits a towering shot over the center field wall. As soon as his bat connected with the ball, there was no doubt that it was leaving the park. The crowd went crazy, and I found myself high-fiving everyone seated close by. Sure, the win didn’t mean as much to me as it did to the thousands of people surrounding me, but I still felt as if I was sharing the same sense of joy they were experiencing.

An outsider would have viewed this as a meaningless win due to its circumstances – a mid-season game against a mediocre non-divisional team. Witnessing that game at the stadium today, however, I felt like I was part of something much more significant.

- Scottie

The NHL - Where Fun Goes to Die

A few days ago, I experienced something more painful than urinating shards of glass: I tuned into game 5 of the Stanley Cup playoffs, Red Wings vs. Penguins. Even worse, I decided to write a running diary on it.

The writers of "Well Below the Mendoza Line" realize that we need to broaden our audience, since there are only a small percentage of San Diego Padres & Boston Celtics fans in the world. We aren't biased, just lazy.

The results: I've now appeased the few NHL fans in the country (as long as you don't mind my blatant criticism of this terrible excuse for a sport).

I don't think I've watched a hockey game in ages, which is surprising since I'm from Maine... Now I know why. This was the most boring sporting event I have ever witnessed, hands down, and I didn't even start watching it until the start of the second overtime!

11:43: Shot of token Canadian sideline reporter named “Pierre,” a mandatory figure at every hockey game.

11:44 – Nothing pumps me up more than an “All-American Rejects” song!

11:45: Pittsburgh subs in their second line, which is 5 guys at once. This leads me to believe that Doc Rivers is coaching the Penguins tonight.

11:47: Both of these announcers sound very Canadian, which must be a requirement for hockey, because I’m sure you have to travel far and wide to find an American that enjoys this sport.

11:48: I’ve been watching for five minutes and no fights yet! I thought there were like 97 fights a game?

11:48: The announcer just reminded us that next goal wins…we’re 5 minutes into the 2^nd overtime

11:50: Apparently a controversial penalty of “goaltender interference” was just called on the Red Wings, which has really fired up the announcers. The only thing worse that could have happened is someone drinking their last Molson.

11:51: We’re told yet again, “next goal wins!”

11:52: Two minutes pass by where Pittsburgh has an extra player, and they still can’t score. This doesn’t make sense to me. In the NBA, the opposing team could probably score 20 points in two minutes of 4 on 5.

11:55: This is starting to get boring – Someone needs to do something exciting, like take off their skate and slit someone’s throat with it. Where’s Todd Bertuzzi when you need him?

11:57: We almost witnessed a fight, but it was merely pushing and shoving. My #1 stereotype of hockey has been ruined… no wonder why no one watches this sport.

11:59: These goalies are either really awesome, or these two offenses are terrible. I’m not sure. Detroit has taken like 86 shots so far, and the Pitt goalie has stopped them all.

12:00: Where the fuck are all the commericials? If this was the NBA or NFL, there would have already been 76 commercials in this period alone.

12:01: Dallas Drake enters the game, who, judging by his name, must be a porn star. I can’t wait to see his sketchy moustache.

12:02: My attention span is dwindling, it’s been almost 20 minutes now and no one has put the puck in the net. There was more scoring in my freshman year of college.

12:03: They just panned across both benches, and EVERY SINGLE PLAYER had a moustache/beard combo. All of them. Meanwhile, I’m 24 and can’t even grow one single chin pube. I don’t think I’d be allowed to play hockey.

12:06: At last, I’ve found a rebellious player: Malkin isn’t sporting a stashe or beard. The Canadian Mounties need to arrest this man!

12:08: Big hit by Detroit, finally, something relatively exciting has happened. At this point, I think a preseason WNBA game would be more stimulating.

12:09: Still no commercials. Hasn’t anyone in the NHL ever thought “hey, we’re broke as fuck and we need to raise some money. How about we advertise?” Seriously, are any of the NHL execs aware that these games are televised? At least broadcast a Molson or a french fries and gravy ad. Get some damn sponsors!

12:11: The NHL is a professional sport, right? (I'm sure some would claim to differ). To pump some excitement into the league, why not legally permit steroids? Could you imagine a hockey player with roid rage? Hell, I'd watch every game for the opportunity to see that on a daily basis - angry Canadians checking opposing players through the glass, swatting guys with their sticks, and brawls every other second. Fuck the scoring, everyone knows that people only watch this game for the fights anyway. Steroids would clearly make the inevitable confrontations more interesting. Come on NHL, lets make it happen!

12:13: Please. End. Soon. For the love of god.

12:14: End of the 2^nd OT, still going strong.

12:15: and the Intermission Report begins, sponsored by…wait for it… Heineken! Apparently the NHL thinks its primary audience is young black men.

12:18: FYI - the NHL on NBC is brought to you by Honey Dew Donuts and Amica insurance!

12:20: The announcer tells me this is fun to watch, and I’m not sure if he’s watching the same game as I am.

12:30: OT #3 begins

12:33: I just realized the last time I watched hockey was “Mighty Ducks 2,” which was at least mildly entertaining.

12:39: Hey I just found out again that the next goal wins. Listen – anyone that’s watching a hockey game at 12:40 is very dedicated to the sport, (except me, I’m just really fucking bored) so I’m sure they are familiar with the rules.

12:41: High sticking penalty called on a Detroit player who looks asian. 4 minutes in the penalty box. In other words, four more minutes where Pitt has a clear advantage and will still probably blow it.

12:45: Goal!!!!!!! Apparently this Sakora guy called his shot by claiming that he’d get the game winner, and he did. Pitt wins 4-3.

On to Game 6, which I’m sure will be an awesome game. Seriously, let me know how it goes…

- Scottie

Silly Sports Related Pic of the Week

Brad May and Alexei Semenov rejoice in the news that California is considering legalizing gay marriage.

"Thank God I was traded to the Ducks," exclaimed a breathless May, who joins Semenov (San Jose) playing in California.

Wait, Someone Really Said That? Seriously?

Although the upcoming statement is from August 10, 2007, I believe it's wrong to have a column dedicated to hilarious & asenine quotes, and fail to include Scot Pollard, the NBA's king of both intentional and unintentional comedy.

Pollard, at the press conference after the Boston Celtics signed him and Eddie House:

"Getting Kevin Garnett has been kind of a big deal. But now that the two of us are here, you really have a chance. I'm excited to be the cornerstone of this team."

I'm not even going to add anything here...

- Scottie

Bold Prediction

The Padres will pick up 5 games on the NL West and only be 3 games back by the All Star Break. Yeah I said it.