Wait, Someone Really Said that? Seriously?

Alex Rodriguez finally delivers in the clutch… In a meaningless mid-May simulated game.

Sunday evening, I see an article on the front page of ESPN.com that reads: "A-Rod Hits Grand Slam in Simulated Game." Intrigued, I click on the link. For those of you who don't know, these "games" consist of only a pitcher and a catcher. There are no fielders involved, not even Derek Jeter, who can surely use some extra defensive practice.

“It’s invaluable to get those at-bats,” said Rodriguez. “You can’t duplicate it anywhere else.”

… except maybe a batting cage?

Now is a homerun in a baseball simulation really that much of an accomplisment? If so, consider me Babe Ruth. One time when I was much younger, I played a simulated game in my backyard against my 7-year old brother. I had three grand slams, take that A-Rod!

A few other clarifying details:

• A-Rod’s grand slam was not a deep fly ball, it was actually a liner that was barely hit past second base. It took Yankees catcher Jose Molina, arguably the slowest person in the universe, 45 minutes to reach the ball. By the time Molina finally picked up the ball, not only had all four runs has scored, but every other Yankee that participated in the simulated game had showered and were already home.

• In Sunday’s simulation, Rodriguez had five hits in fifteen at-bats. He fared much better this time than he did during his simulated playoff game last October, when he was 0-20 with 14 strikeouts and hit into six double plays.

• While a 5-15 day at the plate may appear to be rather impressive, this means that the awful Yankees pitching staff managed to get A-Rod out ten times, without any defensive help whatsoever. I'm not even mad!

• The fact that A-Rod had five hits in the simulated game should not come as much of a surprise. It should be noted that he was batting against four members of the Yankees pitching staff, who have been getting shelled all year. Although Billy Crystal did not fare very successful in his preseason at bat, when he faced Yankees pitchers in a simulation, he hit .710 with six home runs.

• Rodriguez was also walked five times. Some of these pitches that were "just a bit outside" included balls that were thrown over his head, behind him, underneath his legs, and two were even thrown at his wife in the stands. One pitch hit him in the pinkie, causing him to flail around like a little girl, let out a high pitched scream, and start crying. Yes, of course this is true... If you look at this season's stats, the Yankee hurlers are far from accurate.

- Scottie