Wait, Someone Really Said That? Seriously?

Don't mean to double up on this here, but this was too much to let stand.

I was checking my fantasy team yesterday (named Dear God the Padres are Bad), when i saw a little star next to Carlos Guillen's name. Ever the dutiful fantasy owner, I immediately checked to see if there was any new super awesome news.

I was confronted by this monstrosity...

Guillen is struggling with a severe case of hemorrhoids, the Detroit Free Press reports.

Spin:

"He can hardly move - he's got hemorrhoids so bad," Tigers manager Jim Leyland said Tuesday. "He's been playing with hemorrhoids that probably need to be lanced. He probably shouldn't have been out there (at third base on Monday)." Guillen was at DH on Tuesday to give him a bit of a rest. He's been given some medication for now to treat his symptoms.

Holy shit. I thought you had to be at least 65 to get hemorrhoids. Couldn't they have picked something better to spin this? Like "Guillen is struggling with a severe case of Herpes," or "Guillen is struggling with a vicious case of Foreign Accent Syndrome."

Poor Grandpa Guillen, hope he recovers soon.