Just recently I was formally introduced to Twitter. I decided to use Twitter to write a running diary on the Padres vs. Phillies game last night, which was a glorious experience. 35 posts and a dead iPhone battery later, here we are. I think I nearly destroyed the Twitter server in the process.
My only regret in writing this is that I think I used every Padres one-liner I could have ever possibly thought of. Keeping that in mind, this may have been my first and last live literary piece on the Friars.
Below are my Twitter posts from the game:
7:29PM Scottie Thompson is at the Padres game
7:31PM: I can’t believe Jake Peavy showed up to the game wearing a Phillies jersey!
7:33PM: [After a David Eckstein at-bat] Looks like me and David Eckstein are still tied for homeruns in 2009
7:40PM: Section 133 has a combined 25 teeth… and the world’s first Mexican dwarf with a mullet. I’m not even mad.
7:43PM: Brian Giles is being paid $9 million this year to hit .193 with 2 HR in 200 at-bats. I feel like he owes me money.
7:49PM: [After Jake Peavy was taken out of the game in the 2nd inning] Apparently he’s sick…He came down with a bad case of “giving up 4 runs in the first inning” itis
7:58PM: Ibanez just crushed a homerun over the center field bleachers, 6-0 Phillies
8:04PM: [The Starting pitcher for the Phillies was Julio Bastardo] Am I going out on a limb by saying Bastardo has a deadbeat dad?
8:07PM: 2nd pitching change and we’re only in the 3rd inning. Does anyone know if Nick Swisher is available to pitch the 7th?
8:13PM: Hairston’s .329 batting average is single-handedly keeping the Padres [team] average over the Mendoza Line
8:28PM: [After a Giles groundout to the 2nd baseman] Giles hits a double play ball…unfortunately he forgot that there wasn’t a runner on first
8:30PM: What’s plummeting worse, Giles batting average or his stock?
8:31PM: Considering it usually takes the Padres 8 games to score 7 runs, I think it’s safe to say the game is over.
8:43PM: New [San Diego] pitcher is Luis Perdomo. I’m almost positive Perdomo means “loser” in Spanish. Is this a sign of good things to come?
8:51PM: Happy 13th birthday David Eckstein
8:53PM: They just showed an old clip of Tony Gwynn Sr. robbing a HR at the warning track. In 2009, Gwynn’s arteries are labeled as a “warning track.”
8:57PM: [After an Adrian Gonzalez homerun] Rule #1: No one over 16 should ever bring a glove to a baseball game. Rule #2: Don’t pitch to Adrian Gonzalez.
9:05PM: Ibanez is 37 and he’s all of a sudden peaking now? Hmmm…
9:09PM: Ryan Howard strikes out, yet “Homerun” flashes across the jumbotron. The scorekeeper must have confused this bat with the only other thing [Howard] does.
9:14PM: 10-1 in the 7th. Luckily we still have a chance if Philly brings in Lidge and Gonzo bats 9 more times.
9:21PM: Gonzo is on pace for 66 HR and 126 RBI’s, hilarity ensues
9:24PM: Bases are loaded… So is Tony Gwynn Sr’s dinner plate
9:31PM: [Adrian Gonzalez walks in a run] Philly finally decides to pitch to Gonzo. Considering the bases were loaded, this may not have been the best time to do that.
9:33PM: 4 runs in the 7th, special thanks to Chan Ho Park’s rotting corpse
9:55PM: Next up, the ghost of Cliff Floyd
9:56PM: 9th inning = I’ve run out of jokes
One final note: As anyone who has watched a game at Petco knows, when a player is batting, the jumbotron displays a relevant statistic. For example, during Phillies at-bats I read: “Ryan Howard led the league in Homeruns and RBIs in 2008” and “Chase Utley is one of two players to win the Rookie of the Year and MVP in consecutive seasons (Cal Ripken).”
Here are a couple gems that appeared on the scoreboard when the Padres were at the plate. “David Eckstein hit .261 with 21 doubles in 2006” (I can understand how this would be a big deal, a .261 average in the Padres lineup is basically the same as hitting .400) and “Josh Wilson has played on 5 teams throughout his MLB career.”
Ladies and Gentlemen, your 2009 San Diego Padres!
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